What is most likely to shut down your desire for sexual intimacy?

    Often we can push through and have a good time even if things aren’t perfect. Yet, most of us will have something (or a few things) that will make sex a “no go”.  What are the things that close the door for you? (or your spouse)

    Under the stars Asked on April 18, 2019 in Activities & Items .
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      *Stomach bug

      *If I think he doesn’t want to or if he doesn’t respond very enthusiastically to my flirting/ or initiation

      *If I feel like we have an unresolved conflict (we are mad at each other and haven’t “fixed” it, by coming to some agreement, or at least had a good conversation about it).

      *Emotional distance: feeling like we haven’t had enough quality time together and/or like he won’t open up to me about what he is thinking and feeling) dh gets very quiet and withdrawn when he’s stressed.


      We still have sex during those last three, if he wants to (he is not one to initiate much when he is stressed) so they are not a “no go” but they definitely dulls or drastically reduces my desire.

      On the floor Answered on April 19, 2019.
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        For me, I have made a choice to let very few things push me to a “no go”. I may not feel like it, but I still will.

        There are things that make our experiences scale back, or that causes me to go into more of a “maintenance mode”…

        1) Exhaustion, most often caused by being too busy or stretching my introvert self with too much “people time”.

        2) Lack of emotional connection between my husband and I, usually because of a lack of time together or his negative attitude.

        3) Illness, especially stomach bugs.

        I don’t know if this is considered a “no go”, but in this season of life, we have had to set up more parameters on when I won’t be approached… basically, don’t wake me up and not on Sundays (because of being peopled out.) If I desire anything at those times, I have to initiate.

        Under the stars Answered on April 18, 2019.
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          An unresolved relationship breach was always an impediment to my desire.  It didn’t make it a no-go, but it made for a really bad experience for me that negatively impacted both our relationship and my attitude about sex.

          Currently, it is lack of a pair bond (detachment) that makes my desire a no-go.  Sex is not a no-go, I’m available to him, but I can’t get aroused with him.

          On the floor Answered on April 18, 2019.
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            I’m not sure we have any true no-go’s but I know neither of us has been interested right in the middle of an argument.  I struggle with being interested when we’ve not been connecting first.  I engage anyway because I know it helps.    I also am very turned off by him being on his phone basically ignoring me until he’s snuggling up while I’m half-way asleep.  I feel sort of taken advantage of because by that time it’s generally late and it will be a quickie to satisfy him.   It’s not all on him though because usually, I haven’t said anything so it’s my own fault.   I have sometimes playfully told him if he wants sex he better put down his phone.  Sometimes that works and other times he just laughs. (sigh)

            Double bed Answered on April 19, 2019.
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              Repeated past refusal and no intimate connection.


              Twin bed Answered on April 22, 2019.
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                “No”, “not now”, being ignored, constant criticism in every area of my life, being told I’m not as good as her first husband, etc.  She pretty much knows them all.

                Cot Answered on April 29, 2019.

                Sorry to hear there are so many such things in your situation. Are there also some things that make sexual intimacy happen?

                on April 29, 2019.
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                  Cold hands, hers.


                  On the floor Answered on May 9, 2019.

                  Ain’t that the truth!

                  on May 9, 2019.
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