What is the Average Amount of Sex in Marriage?
For us it is more that we BOTH want more sex, but we have allowed schedules, habits, assumptions, comfort levels (like settling down to sleep or feeling more comfortable in our own spot on the couch–apart) to interfere. We have renewed our interest in each other and our desire to do more. Now we have to improve the way our daily life functions to make it easier and more likely to fall into a having sex habit than a do our own thing and go to sleep habit. Similar to a clutter-fixing book I read. The author talked about how no one in the family put their shoes in the closet but instead dropped them inside the door, so it made sense to make the target shoe storage live inside the door where they put them anyway, and just make it look nicer. It’s the idea of changing something that is easier to change than an ingrained habit. (Though a mature Christian should obviously never stop trying to improve their behavior.)
We have started by shifting the furniture a bit, making it more natural for us to snuggle on the couch than it has been and we make a point to do it, especially when DD is upstairs. There have got to be other simple changes we can make that will help if we think outside the box a bit. Simply agreeing we both want more sex hasn’t seemed to do it, so it must take another trick! 🙂
I also think this can be harder to implement that it sounds. Specifically, when working with one partner having a responsive drive, how will he/she know how often they “want” it so they can meet in the middle? For Zelda and I, I was actually surprised when we did a quiz/questionnaire a while back and her desired frequency for sex was almost identical to mine. That took a long time for her to figure out I think. Basically she “wants to want to” roughly as often as I “want to”, but has to (a) be aware of responsive drive, and (b) have the stars align to let me get her drive going (which is the more difficult part these days).
Experimentation for figuring out where the “middle” is would likely work, but for very LD, responsive partners, even getting the experimentation going is difficult.