What is the definition of respect in a Christian marriage

    I feel that respect and disrespect are two distinctly different words. What do they mean or not mean? Please give real life examples.

    as a woman, are you looking for and feel a need for respect?

    as a man do you feel your wife is guilty of disrespect towards you in some way?

    OR the subject is so outdated that it is a  non-issue.

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    11 Answer(s)

      Didn’t you ask the same question 3 weeks ago?  As I recall no one liked my answer because they don’t like the answer, but you can certainly study what the bible means by respect if you want the answer.  Perhaps it will be more fruitful for you to say why are you asking.

      On the floor Answered on June 6, 2020.

      I wondered about the re-asking also.

      on June 6, 2020.
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        Isn’t respect how one values and appreciates another person through attitudes, words, responses, and actions that make them feel good?

        DW does that in many ways, including being attentive to my needs. That is easier for her to do the more I show love and respect to her. I don’t feel she disrespects me – definitely not more than I am unloving to her at times.

        Under the stars Answered on June 6, 2020.

        I agree with your first statement, however, what does it mean to you when someone says “I can respect that point, but don’t agree.” If they don’t agree, then there’s not much value assigned. It seems to indicate they understand, the put some value to the person, but not the view they have shared. It is said in effort to not make the other feel bad, so that fits. Counter that with the respect we should have for God. We may not agree with what we find as His will, or it may not suit us, may not like it. But doesn’t respect for God require us to mold our will to His, even when we don’t agree?

        When scripture says “Wives, submit to your husband, as to the Lord.” and “…as the church submits to Christ.”- is not respect indicated? The kind of respect that is willing to submit ones will to another?

        That is certainly not to diminish the charge given husbands in the same scripture in Ephesians. In my estimation, the sacrificial love husbands are charged with is the higher standard of the two and precedes the other in order of execution. Christ gave himself in love first, even before we loved Him. Submission is in response to love.

        on June 6, 2020.

        Just because you disagree with someone’s view doesn’t mean that you don’t respect them. DW and I disagree about a lot but we still respect each other. I don’t think wanting to be right all the time means you are getting respect. That would be more like control.

        on June 10, 2020.

        @Raymond – I agree with you. It goes to show there is differing levels of respect perhaps. And it also goes to show that respect of person and respect of ideas are two different things, though they can be combined. The level of respect for person can impact the level of respect given to that person’s ideas. Or at least the level of consideration for respect. That’s why I respect God’s word intrinsically. But the bloke down the street who spouts off some blather?  Although I might respect his person enough not to punch him in the face, I might not consider his words worthy of any respect, certainly not enough to follow them.

        on June 10, 2020.
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          In our marriage, my DH says he doesn’t like to be treated like a 14 yr old. I tell him I am sorry and that he should please tell me when he feels that way, since my words just tend to roll out, whether to DH or child. So, he just (usually) lets them roll off his back. Its an area I can work on showing him respect.

          I like him to show me respect by listening to me when I am telling him about some trouble I am having. I don’t feel respected if he finishes my sentence or answers before I am done talking. Neither do I feel respect and love if he alludes to the fact ‘thats just how women think’ and answers accordingly. For instance, telling me that I have no reason to be stressed!

          Under the stars Answered on June 7, 2020.

          I totally get what you’re saying. Men tend to be fixit guys and “just the facts.” When we really need to listen and have empathy. I need work in this area.

          on June 12, 2020.
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            Looked at my past posts, questions. Perhaps I’m mistaken but no, not re-asking.

            C. Joseph – this is the post I was referring to:

            https://qna.themarriagebed.com/question/what-is-the-definition-of-respect/

            Eph 5:22-33 portion of scripture: “wives should submit to their husbands in everything…25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…”

            After the … there is more to this verse which goes into detail about how exactly a husband should love his wife.  In what way she is to be loved.  It goes directly against what people often think of love to mean which is usually “do what somebody wants”.  It is sometimes that, but it is bigger than that, there is a lot more to it than that, it is closer to tough love that does what is best for someone even if it isn’t what they necessarily want.  The way God loves us.

            So husbands are told to love their wives yet wives are told to respect their husbands. Why this disparity?

            Because men and women were created for different purposes.  For different reasons.  For a different role.  His design.  His purpose.  His creation.  God has a plan for each of us, and it is very much tied to the sex he created us though the modern world would reject this.  But we shouldn’t.  Those who say they belong to Jesus should want to please Him first and do what He wishes and be what He made them.  There is blessing in being a man and there is blessing in being a woman.

            The husband-wife relationship is not one of extreme hierarchy but of God given position. Husband at the top level one, wife at level 1.1 just below him. (not my idea, Gods) Not boss, commander or slave-driver situation. Partners but God looks to the man first as he is responsible for many things in the household. The woman is the worlds best helper. He most certainly could fail without her.

            It is hierarchy without question if you accept what the Word says.  Hierarchy does not mean ugly.  I am a slave to Jesus and it is not ugly, in fact I count myself very blessed to be His and to belong to Him.

            On the floor Answered on June 7, 2020.
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              Oh boy….  🙂

              of course both can mean different things to different people and is different in different situations. Bottom line to me, respect in marriage is based on following God’s design as outlined in scripture. Sacrifice and submission. Compassionate sacrificial leadership that inspires loving submission. “As Christ loved the church and gave his life for her,” we are called to submit our lives and will to His, out of love, gratitude and respect for the Lord.

              On the floor Answered on June 6, 2020.
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                Looked at my past posts, questions. Perhaps I’m mistaken but no, not re-asking. It may be that I was censured for being controversial. This time, if I am repeating, is to go in particular directions in the christian home with the subject of respect, not just as a word but as a way that both husband and wife treat each other.

                If anyone has scripture, go ahead and paste it here.

                Hammock Answered on June 6, 2020.

                no I am mistaken

                 

                on June 12, 2020.
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                  I read something the other day which says that wives can only respect their husbands to the extent that the husband is submitting to Christ. I don’t know if that is true or not but if a husband robbed a bank can the wife respect him?

                  Twin bed Answered on June 10, 2020.

                  Perhaps change the wording slightly to a wife can be limited to her level of ability to respect her husband commensurate to how much he respects the word of God that directs him to sacrificial love her.

                  However, examine respect in the Bible under other circumstances and you will see it falls upon the respector as much or more than the respectee. Consider David and Saul. David showed unbelievable respect to the “anointed of God” despite the fact that the man was seeking to kill him. So another’s action does not necessarily remove the call to respect them, particularly if God has ordained that respect. God has called his people to respect the governing bodies. Doesn’t God know how corrupt and evil they can be? Of course He does.  God has also called for wives to respect their husbands. He didn’t say “but only if….”.   Same is true when He told husbands to sacrificially love their wives.

                  on June 10, 2020.
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                    One truth that has not been said yet. You cannot expect someone to show you respect unless you first respect yourself. Respect for self means taking responsibility for your actions, how you present yourself, what expectations you have for yourself. I’m talking human nature here. We are responsible for our actions. And if you treat others with total disrespect  and act in ways that illustrate no self respect, how can we expect someone else to respect you? It’s a problem that is showing itself more and more in this “social media” society.

                    So for the husband/wife relationship – the husband should seek to bear fruit worthy of respect. To not endeavor to do so would be to mock God who commanded them be respected.

                    On the floor Answered on June 10, 2020.

                    #TRUTH

                    on June 11, 2020.
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                      Eph 5:22-33 portion of scripture: “wives should submit to their husbands in everything…25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…”

                      So husbands are told to love their wives yet wives are told to respect their husbands. Why this disparity?

                      In society we respect authority figures, bosses, and educated mentors. This sort of respect is based on a persons position to others. We might not like our boss but need to treat them a little differently than coworkers.

                      The husband-wife relationship is not one of extreme hierarchy but of God given position. Husband at the top level one, wife at level 1.1 just below him. (not my idea, Gods) Not boss, commander or slave-driver situation. Partners but God looks to the man first as he is responsible for many things in the household. The woman is the worlds best helper. He most certainly could fail without her.

                      Most certainly if a wife starts giving improper instructions to her husband and extreme criticism, he may not like it. At the same time, a husband who spends all his money on golf rather than the garden she wants, he is. not very loving.

                      I don’t go around wondering if my wife loves me, I assume it. However, my wife needs to hear it and see acts of love. At the same time I don’t look for her love, however, if she treats me like one of the kids and scolds me the same, respect would seem lacking.

                      If anyone wants a great example of disrespect, watch those beer commercials where the man is portrayed as a beer drinking, TV watching buffoon.

                      A loving husband would cancel a fun event he does alone in favor of something she wants to do.

                      There is more.

                      any thoughts?

                      Hammock Answered on June 6, 2020.

                      Hollywood via commercials (especially), movies and television repeatedly show the man as the emasculated buffoon, even his kids are smarter than he is, it is a deliberate underpinning of the God given authority and emasculation of men. Deconstructing of society… we should expect this and fight against it in our own homes..

                      As far as respect in the marriage, it is called upon the wife to give it, not the husband to demand or extract it. Similarly with the husband directive to love and cherish his wife.  I believe both entail respect.

                      on June 7, 2020.
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                        Double bed Answered on June 7, 2020.
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