What was the last real conversation on anything relating to sex, that you had with your spouse, about? And how long ago was it?
I know some marriages really struggle with communicating about sex….no matter what the topic is under the “sexual” umbrella. I know that we all face different sexual issues at different times in our marriage.
Ours was this morning. I have been noticing, and this isn’t really a new issue for us…. but I have been noticing that when we have sex in the morning or afternoon, that my husband doesn’t feel the same kind of need to come to bed at the same time as me. What that ended up doing, was he was getting his emotional needs met with our sexual encounters, but my needs were being neglected…. since “bedtime” is when he can give me focused attention and just be present and available. I noticed that I was being tempted to knock out all morning/afternoon encounters (which many are at my initiation), and rather than just take “control” of it by a form of manipulation… I brought it up, and I hope that he corrects his course by a simple “ahem” and a reminder. If he doesn’t change his course, then a firmer boundary line will be made.
Yesterday. I mentioned to her that since the local sex toy store was opened again I would like to find a clitoral vibrator for her that has a ‘deep rumbly’ feel, but which is small enough to fit between us while cuddling or having PIV sex. The bullets and smaller vibes we have are kind of ‘buzzy’ and my DW finds that they just don’t feel as good as her wand.
We typically have a discussion about sex at least once a week outside of times when we are going to have sex. Our primary topic is looking for different ways to give DW an O, other than having her lay on top of her magic wand, but we also discuss ideas for other activities I would like to add to our marriage bed (giving and receiving oral sex, trying different positions, etc.). My goal is to keep our marriage bed as dynamic and fun as possible as we enter our senior years, and this will only happen with frequent communication followed by lots of practice!
A few hours ago. I mentioned I had read some very good articles at familylife.com about sex and how men and women differ from each other when it comes to sex.
I also suggested we add a little bit of variation to the MB by trying the sex position of the week from christianfriendlysexpositions.com every week, which DW agreed to.
Sometime in the last couple of days. Over the last year and half we have had more (and more productive) conversations about sex than during the previous 17 years of marriage. I see it as part of our growing intimacy (especially emotional intimacy).
In the shower the other morning I reminded him that there’s not a lot for me to hold onto and he sometimes smushes my head into the tub wall.
Later we talked about more ways to try to adjust life so that we get to bed earlier and also to create more opportunities for afternoon play.
I’m not sure what you mean by “real conversation”. Last week we discussed something I’d like to try and she also mentioned something she would. She also asked if I wanted her to put something special on before we made love. Last month we had some bigger conversations about some changes in her desire due to stress and hormones as well as another on a new act we tried.
Last night. Two things. First, after we got in bed I started a conversation just thanking her for her efforts in working with me to improve our MB over the last year since I know many wives are not as open to doing that. That morphed into talking about where our MB might go from here. But earlier in the evening, we also talked a bit about a piece of sex info I’d recently read about–that heterosexual women are often aroused by both male and female nudity…unlike heterosexual men, homosexual men, and homosexual women.
The last time was about 2 weeks ago when I asked when I was going to see the new bedroom outfit that I had ordered. 🙂 and the next night DW showed me how much she liked it.
I try to initiate conversations about monthly about trying new things, satisfaction, anything changing, etc.. DW is not comfortable raising things and starting those conversations. She also has kids and activities and COVID on the mind all the time so it is not the top of the list right now. Most conversations are very short however, because we have a healthy sex life and the MB is pretty great.