What was the reason you were most recently refused?
We have been married 30 years and when we first got married, I guess I thought we would have sex at least 2 or 3 times a week or more. After a month ( 1 Month, I still remember it), my wife plainly said
we were not having sex that often and once a week was plenty. I continued to ask over the years and it was usually no and her words were, I am just not going to do it more often. I would rate everything else in our
marriage very close to a perfect “10”. Sex maybe a “3”.
In 29 months, I can only remember my DW saying it once because she was really tired. There may have been more times but I don’t remember them. With that said, sometimes she’s definitely asked me to wait until later (like yesterday, we had the outlaws in from out of state and plans made so there really was no time. She said, “not now” because she wanted it nice and slow that night rather than a quickie right then….BUT she allow me to bend her over and come in to appease and to wet my appetite for later).
I’ve probably said, “no” more times via action of going to bed/sleep than DW because of being tired. For background, we ML 3-5x/wk and engage in sexual touch many more times throughout the week so it’s not like we’re denying each other…unlike both of us in our previous marriages when we were married to refusers.
Over the 27 years we’ve been married my wife’s “no” has come with enough “reasons” (excuses 99% of the time) to fill multiple volumes of journals. Now, it’s just plain “no” with no reason whatsoever. On the occasion that I press for a reason it’ll be one of the old standby’s of “don’t care / not interested / just don’t want to”. She frequently followed up the next morning with “i’m sorry” but it always sounded forced and never EVER resulted in any change of behavior or fruitful discussion; so I finally told her to stop apologizing because I simply don’t believe her any more.
Another poster commented about “duty sex”. It’s tempting to leap to the idea that duty sex is better than no sex. But having been through that, for me it’s actually worse.
Duty sex would occasionally lead to her being fully engaged (maybe 10% of time) but the other 90% I could tell she was going through the motions … barely…. and after a certain point she’d actually say “are you done yet?”. Uh yeah I am NOW, forget it!
We did “Duty Sex’ years ago for a while and it didn’t take long that I didn’t enjoy it and wife didn’t enjoy giving it. We stopped doing Duty Sex 15 years ago.
What we did work out was she would at least make an effort to have sex once on the weekend, no sex during the week. And no sex during her period. So that meant we would have sex about 3 times a month.
If I needed more than that, I could “relieve” myself one time during the week and no more, but twice during her period. We did that for the next 15 years or so. Not the best situation, but better than nothing.