What’s the longest time you and your spouse have not made love (PIV or to the point of orgasm for either of you) for a reason other than being refused

    God’s intent for the marriage bed is to celebrate intimacy. The Apostle Paul writes that it’s important to ‘come together’ except for limited seasons and reasons. Share your experience with seasons and reasons for not engaging in intimacy.

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    13 Answer(s)

      I had placenta previa with two of my pregnancies, so we went without PIV twice for probably 9 months including postpartum both times. When you are worried about miscarriage, sex takes a backseat. I still took care of my DH in other ways.

      Fell out of ... Answered on July 23, 2019.
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        I’m sad to say we went more than a month sometimes without a 6-month childbirth prohibition, OR traveling, OR refusal. It usually went:  a super busy period of life (maybe a week-long activity we volunteered for like VBS , the County Fair, or holiday preparations) where we were both really tired and fell into bed late every night was followed by one of us getting sick (7-10 days for the common cold), which would then be followed by the other getting sick (another 7-10 days, and I don’t know why we could never get it all out of the way at once!), which was then followed by my 7-9 day period…and sometimes the darn cycle would start all over again! I would get so mad when that would happen! (Still do, just thinking about it!)

        I promise you this, though, once my six weeks for surgery are up (3 1/2 to go!), the surgeon releases me, and my body becomes accustomed to it, there won’t be that kind of gap again!

        Under the stars Answered on July 23, 2019.
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          The longest was 1 year,  which occurred very shortly after we were married.  I had orders to Sinop Turkey,  and we got married before I went.  Not long after I got home from that tour,  I was deployed to Honduras for 6 months.    After that,  things sort of got into a routine where I might be gone for 2 weeks or a month every couple of months,  until Desert Storm,  which ended up being another 6 month separation.   There was another 6 month separation when I was stationed in Germany and had to wait for quarters to become available before she could join me.

           

          That covers the first half of our marriage,  what I consider the Army years.  After that,  I went into construction, with a lot of my time spent traveling.  Lots of 3-6 week separations there,  and one that lasted almost 6 months.

          In truth,  I am somewhat accustomed to that lifestyle,  and when you can’t have intimacy,  there is little reason to get worked up over it.  It is the times that you could have but wasn’t permitted,  and the emotional isolation that took the greater toll.  Even then,  in the early years,  I might only be able to manage a phone call a month when deployed,  so it was “acceptable”  When cell phones, texts, emails, and all the other advances made near real time communication possible,  and it was still limited to very rare occasions,  again,  that took a greater toll.

           

          Fell out of ... Answered on July 23, 2019.

          Thank you for your service!

          on July 25, 2019.
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            5-6 weeksish post birth several times

            Hammock Answered on July 23, 2019.
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              Same question was asked on 6/11/2019 as part of Today’s Question of the Day.  You can find various answers HERE. 🙂

              Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on July 23, 2019.

              His question is much more specific because he eliminates refusal.  🙂

              on July 23, 2019.
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                This is difficult to know an answer for me when it’s beyond the refusal.   Of course I have had the “doctor approved” 6 week post-partum healing time four different times…. but those were all in the midst of my refusal years, so it was just a convenient excuse.

                Other than that,  I would say 3-4 weeks because of being apart while one of us is traveling.

                Under the stars Answered on July 23, 2019.
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                  5 weeks after the birth of my oldest.  We never quite made it to the recommended 6 week deadline.

                  On the floor Answered on July 23, 2019.
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                    6 weeks after the birth of my kids.  In other times, up to two weeks.  This was during the the bad years of our marriage.  I hated sex, and felt used by my husband.

                    Queen bed Answered on July 23, 2019.
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                      In our 11 years, we’ve had sex about 30-35 times.  Over a year in a couple cases.   Like in the past year?  6 and that’s up from previous years!

                      Twin bed Answered on July 23, 2019.
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                        Aside from the recovery time after giving birth, we haven’t had very many long gaps. The longest would be about 3 weeks when I was out of town on a work related trip.

                        Under the stars Answered on July 23, 2019.
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