When in your dating relationship did you first kiss?
Not-so-young guy (30) who hasn’t had much dating experience. I’ve dated some, but I’ve never kissed anyone I’ve dated.
I’ve been seeing this girl for about a month, and have already told her that I am very “slow physically.” She has not expressed any issues with that, though has asked to hold hands.
Now I know this sounds like a super-repressed person, and I probably am. But I need some affirmation right now. So when did you first kiss your date (who you’re married to now or not). What’s “normal” and what’s good?
Agreeing with @JLoydH last sentence. A peck on the cheek is a good place to stay. Lips only is a good place to be for a while.
I like @newwifenewlife guidelines. Maybe instead of your kids, if you’re not ready to introduce them to your grandma, then it isn’t worth a kiss.
I will say the forehead kiss is a tender moment that feels like protection and security wrapped around your heart.
After my divorce, I went on quite a few dates over the years and I’ll say “dated” several of the women for 2-4 months (juggling 3 kids, sports and work is difficult). I had a “kissing standard”, they had to be “(insert youngest son’s name) worthy”. If I was not ready to introduce them to him, I was not going to kiss them, despite what they, or I, may want to. In other words, I had to be serious about the woman before we were to head in that direction.
My boys’ mom (my ex) had multiple men run through her life after divorcing me so I didn’t want to go out while they were with me or get them thinking about someone if it never panned out (see stories below). Ex even married again for three years and was divorcing him the year DW & I got married. So I never kissed any of my dates or the ones I dated until the last two women. Despite a strong attraction, the diagnosed “Bi-polar woman” dumped me a week after kissing her…without notice or cause, just sent a late night text. It was hurtful and her behavior was bizarre. God was apparently watching out for me because 4 months later I met my last date. I kissed my now wife after communicating with and dating her for about two months (we married 12 months to the day of our first date.) Actually, DW kissed me. I went to kiss her on the forehead in a tender moment to show care and I say, she grabbed my face and made sure the lips made their way to hers. She’ll argue that point but I know the truth. 😀
It’s always easier to delay and not start (which makes it easier to break up) if you don’t start that train so heavy and quickly. It also helps the communication and emotional development because it’s a lot easier to make out than it is to have a conversation about deeper emotions and values.
Youngest son stories:
- I went on one date over TWO years after my divorce was FINALIZED. Son (age 9 at the time) found out about it 6 months later and he wouldn’t talk to me for over 3 hours, which included a 75 minute round trip to get his brother!!!
- Same son at approximately the same age was angry (as I said, his mom/my ex had a revolving door of men), he was afraid that I’d do that and have sex with someone like she was doing so he said, “If you ever get lonely dad, GET A DOG! GET A DOG DAD!!!”
(Does my standard make sense now?) 😀
My input probably doesn’t help… My DW and I are 66 and our courtship was decades before the “purity culture” was even born. My relationship with my first girlfriend started the summer before the 9th grade. She was 9 mos older than me. She French-kissed me (a totally new concept for me) our first kiss which gave me an erection. I had previously pecked a girl who I had a crush on on the lips on the dance floor but she hadn’t reciprocated my affection and I was hesitant to initiate anything with my new “steady”… she was more experienced than me and took the initiative. I learned a lot from that girl.
Fast-forward to my first date with my DW. We were both HS Srs and when saying goodbye she ducked her head and locked her jaw when I leaned down to kiss her. Our next date, she deftly dodged me again but did peck me on the cheek. (Later, she told me not to take it personally because she had decided not to let any boy kiss her on their first 2 dates.) So… on our 3rd date, I leaned down to kiss her and she didn’t dodge me but she was shocked when I attempted to French kiss her and she kept her jaw clenched. It was “closed mouth – lips only” for a few more weeks, until I surprised her by pressing a spearmint LifeSaver between her lips with my tongue and she opened her mouth to receive it. After that she learned to French kiss by us passing Life Savers back and forth.. and we occasionally do that now just for fun and to reminisce about our early days.
My advice is to make sure that your teeth are freshly brushed, that your breath is pleasant and if you are so inspired take the initiative and go for a lips-only variety… the more exotic stuff can come later as she reciprocates.
Don’t throw gas on a spark unless you’re prepared to handle the fire. Kissing on the lips will start the fire. If you are sure both parties can handle the flames, then proceed with appropriate caution and forewarning, and appropriate guard rails in place.
As soon as we became an official couple we started kissing. I don’t recall official dates before that, there was a lot of hanging out around campus, or going out as a group. So, even though it may appear we moved fast in our relationship, we knew each other really well. Practically living with someone day in and day out brings a different kind of closeness.
Are you having any kind of desire that you are having to fight? If not, that’s a flag that you may want to dig around and find out why.
Our relationship started with a kiss. We’d been flirting with each other for a couple of months, and we were good friends. Her prior boyfriend had dumped her, and I definitely got the “I’m interested” vibe from her. So one evening, as we were saying goodbye after hanging out together with a mutual friend (who had already left), I leaned in and kissed her. I’ll never forget that moment! We dated for a couple of years and then got married.
FWIW, that was over 20 years ago and we were seniors in high school, so may not be totally helpful to you.
I don’t remember the exact timing, but it was about two weeks into dating. We had known each other about 4 months.
Neither of us had ever done it before, and we made it super awkward by overcommunicating about it beforehand on instant messenger (the predecessor to texting). Like you, we were both adults (22/23), which adds additional pressure.
How experienced is your girlfriend? Does she know you’ve never kissed anyone? You might consider disclosing. As others have said, starting with a cheek, forehead, or hand could be helpful.
I honestly can’t imagine how tough this must be in our current society. It was difficult for us 15 yr ago at several years younger in age. From what I understand in current adult US secular society, sex is often a possibility on the first date and pretty much expected after the second date. Hopefully your girlfriend is on the same page as you in the holiness of physical union.
I’m not sure how useful this’ll be to you, but I’ll give my input anyway.
I’m in my 20’s and single. Years ago (in high school maybe?) I decided I don’t want to kiss a girl on her lips until we’re engaged. Waiting for marriage to kiss seemed too extreme, but intimacy without commitment leads to heartbreak, and this gives me a way to save a more intimate act for a greater level of commitment . Kissing on the forehead, cheeks, ect would be fine with me earlier depending upon our emotional connection; I can not do physically intimate things (kiss, cuddle, even hug) without connection. I also plan on communicating my lip-kissing boundary early on when I have a lady I’m dating.