When one of you has a cold

    Do you continue to kiss, assuming that a germ in the house will eventually make its way between the two of you no matter what you do?

    Or do you avoid touching each other until the sick one is better so as not to catch the germs?

    (Or do you aim for avoidance, then forget once and catch it anyway?)

    How does one of you being sick (with a common cold–save worse illnesses for a different discussion) affect your relationship?

    Do you tend to experience colds together or end-to-end?

    (And when you are not the one coughing and clearing phlegm constantly, are you eyeing the one who is, ready to stab him with a fork?)

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    11 Answer(s)

      To answer my own question, I am pretty much ready to at least smack him with a pillow at the moment. (He hasn’t taken his medicine yet!) He came down with his cold almost as soon as Christmas was over, during the time he was taking a few extra precious days off. 🙁  He always starts out trying not to kiss me, but eventually forgets so I figure why worry to begin with? I’d rather catch it early on than put it off until he’s better and then we are unable to enjoy each other for 20 days instead of 7-10.

      Also, he can’t breathe and has been sleeping downstairs, and it sucks. I really, really hate when he is not in bed with me.

      I also tend to get a little mad at him because usually he gets sick when he has been pushing himself too hard, doing too much, not getting enough sleep. I feel like the things for which he sacrifices his self-care are robbing me of the time I should have to spend with my healthy husband. And then I resent the things that take up his time and energy and make him over-tired and vulnerable to illness.

      Under the stars Answered on January 1, 2020.
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        I just finished up a two week cold. We try not to kiss, but my husband often forgets and ends up kissing me here and there. That’s about the only thing that changes.

        Under the stars Answered on January 1, 2020.

        Is he likely to come down with your cold?

        on January 1, 2020.

        He had a tickle in his throat for a day, but he didn’t get it like I did. We don’t get sick all that often, sometimes the other gets it, sometimes we don’t.

        After reading your answer, I do sometimes get angry because he won’t rest when he is sick and he doesn’t think twice about exposing others when he is sick. He has preached running fevers, with pneumonia, barely having a voice, etc.

        on January 1, 2020.
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          I cringe a little but usually kiss her on the lips. However, making out or long, extended kisses is definitely out. I still seem to have a strong immune system, maybe from all the years of ministry. Stuff goes through the house and I still seem to avoid it.

          Making love? It’s probably gonna happen some but a little less and probably just some quickies for release and connection. Maybe just some sexual touches in place of and cuddling. 

          Fell out of ... Answered on January 1, 2020.
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            DW has cold right now. When we discover one of us has a cold, we avoid kissing, touching etc. until the ill one is feeling better. I slept on the couch for the first several days of her cold hoping to avoid getting sick.

            Generally, when one of us is down the other has to pick up the ‘daily’ kinds of chores; doing dishes, preparing meals, etc. Fortunately, we don’t always pass the cold onto another; so far I am feeling fine.

            Until she came down with the cold, we were trying something sexual most every day. Needless to say, that plan has been on hold for the last several days. Hoping she is feeling better today so we can start the New Year off on a good footing.

            Hammock Answered on January 1, 2020.
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              If you’re sleeping in the same bed then you’re going to be sufficiently exposed that you’ll catch your spouse’s cold, so we don’t bother avoiding kissing.

              We might make love slightly less frequently because of tiredness.

              Hammock Answered on January 1, 2020.
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                I don’t want to change anything. I figure if I get it I get it and I live with it. I won’t let sickness interfere with my desire for sex. Wife has a different outlook on that.

                Double bed Answered on January 1, 2020.
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                  In my house, we are sick constantly from a few weeks after the kids go back to school until about a month before school gets done and we’ve caught everything there is for them to catch and bring home. Generally, when I’m sick, we don’t kiss because usually being sick for me means a constant sore throat and kissing just feels unpleasant, and my wife understands that and doesn’t resent me for it or anything (generally she gets sick first after the kids, so she’s not worried about germs for herself at that point). We haven’t figured out a way to not catch all the stuff the kids bring home, generally we just have to power through it. I think we had a period this school year from October through middle of December when the longest that the whole house was healthy all at the same time was maybe two days. Living in a small one bathroom/two bedroom house of course aggravates it because there’s no place to get away from the germs, or let the person who’s the sickest get rest because in a small house you can hear everything everywhere. So really, romance/sex/all that gets neglected, because even if you’re sick, you still have household duties and your job and whatever that still needs to be done. You can’t call in sick to work to get rest and get better more than a couple of times in a year or your performance review and raise that goes with it gets negatively affected.

                  This is definitely one of our biggest struggles and we’re still trying to figure it out.

                  Double bed Answered on January 1, 2020.

                  I “hear”–and share!–your frustration. Public schools are definitely perfectly designed to be big germ incubators. And they want them there every day, no matter how sick, with only a fever or a doctor’s note considered a good excuse. There’s an awful lot of germs passed around without fevers and who goes to the doctor for every single cold? When I worked, I would get sick all the time (I believe it was the stress of a job I was not psychologically designed to do long-term) and we just passed everything back and forth. Since I’ve been at home, Praise God I don’t get respiratory stuff nearly as often and when I do, it doesn’t set in as bad or last as long. DH has plenty of sick time, but can’t take it because he has specialized work to complete on projects with deadlines. The price of being important, I guess. 😉

                  If  you figure it out, let me know!

                  on January 1, 2020.
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                    We don’t get sick a lot, around here. DH and don’t avoid kissing, etc. I used to get really bad coughs and would offer to sleep elsewhere, but he would never let me! If we get some kind of virus in our household, it does make its rounds, but not everyone gets everything.

                    On the floor Answered on January 1, 2020.
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                      We will peck on the lips but no open mouthed kissing when one of us is obviously sick with a cold.  We do continue to share a bed and have sex (for some reason dh is raring to go more than usual when he’s got a cold) we joke that there are no germs “down there.”  We dont’ alway catch each other’s colds, somestimes it happens but defintiely not every time, I’d say less than half.   I tend to get sick less than he does and despite having multiple young children who share all their germs with each other and us I have seemed to catch very few colds in the past few years.  Now stomach bugs are a whole other ball of wax,  I hate throwing up with a passion, so if you are puking you are quarantined and I’m lysoling the heck out of everything!

                      On the floor Answered on January 2, 2020.
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                        If one of us has a cold, we will tend to avoid intercourse. With a cold, it’s not just the sneezing or sore throat, and it’s not just about the worry of spreading it; it’s also about how tired a cold can make a person. We love sex but the fatigue that comes with a cold can take a toll on our libido and rest becomes that thing we want most. My wife tends to not want anything from me when she’s sick. When I’m sick, my desire for IC goes down a lot but I still want HJs from my wife, which she’s happy to do for me. HJs of course are also less likely to spread a disease than IC with our faces up close together (and that’s assuming we aren’t making out). We avoid kissing when one of us is sick and not the other, but once the illness has spread to both of us, we resume kissing.

                        Double bed Answered on January 4, 2020.
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