When Pain or Jealously Crops Up….How About This?


Many moons ago, I would read couples’ stories here who had a sexual awakening or they were doing activities that I longed for.  I use to be the type that longed for what they had or dare I say I even coveted what they had.

One day, I listened to a secular podcast with the subject being on success and the guest on the show said something that I have taken to heart and now practice.

The guest stated that in the Hawaiian culture if someone coveted or was jealous of what someone else had, they would bless the person and what they had instead.

Wow…this changed my mindset and now whenever I read about what God is doing in a couples’ marriage bed that I do not have, I now ask God to bless what they have and increase it.

By doing this, I am protecting my heart from coveting (Prov 4:23); I am praying for other Christians (1 Sam. 12:23); I am learning to be content with what God has given me (Philippians 4:11).

Now if the issue is painful memories, maybe this is God’s way asking us to give the memory, the emotions tied to the event, and the person to Him because He did promise that His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matthew 11:30).

What are your thoughts?  If you have been jealous or covet from what you read on the boards, would you be willing to bless the couples instead?


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6 Answer(s)

    Love this suggestion. I’ve been doing that in the car a lot lately—rather than curse the other driver who cut me off, I bless them and say a quick prayer for their day. Still a work in progress, but it’s turning my attitude on the round around.

    Back to the subject at hand, I read the old board extensively but never posted a single time. My marriage was good, except for our regular struggles over sex. I looked to these boards as a source of hope and inspiration as I saw real people who had (and were) struggling with the same things I was. I generally didn’t feel jealous, but I often felt hope that someday was out there and I kept praying for it. Praise God for answered prayers!

    That being said, I think @Elevation is right and I’m going to adopt the blessing approach!

    Fell out of ... Answered on February 25, 2020.
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      Elevation, I think you are on to something critically important for a Christian – something that is hard to do in our humanness – but right to do in His Spirit.  His love is our model.  I think this fits right into love others as yourself.  I believe God is big enough to bless all and I think it is an enemy lie that “there isn’t enough” and one must have what belongs to another.

      In my humanness I have certainly been jealous of what others have, and it is always something to be on guard for.  I’ve also found that the closer I stay to Him, the more I desire to please Him, the more I want to do it His way, that it is much easier for me to want the best for others, even others who are blessed in ways I am not.  I do find that trying to teach this to a teenager is no easy task, but hopefully he sees my witness in such things.  Prayer also solidifies the right heart in this as well, praying for others that you see struggling, but also praying for others as you mentioned that have a blessing you wish for yourself.  There are many challenges in the flesh and He hears our prayers when we lift each other before Him.

      California King Answered on February 25, 2020.
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        Thank you, Elevation. This such a good idea for a lot of situations, here included. I have not done that when reading on these boards, but I have done a lot of it in a different area and time of my life.

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 25, 2020.
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          Even though you heard this from a secular source, it’s definitely a biblical concept. As I was reading what you wrote, I thought that it can be easy to sometimes see others as the enemy, maybe because they represent something that causes hurt in one’s life. And we know we are called to pray for and bless our enemies, how much more so our neighbors?

          I try to practice this as well, often times more so for those who have caused hurt to me (intentionally or unaware), than those who haven’t. As you have found, it’s a way to keep resentment at bay and to continue to have a heart tender before the Lord and others.

          Under the stars Answered on February 25, 2020.
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            You are right, thank you.  Where Paul said that we are to be content with little and with much, (Phil. 4:12) which would relate to our sexual relationship.  It is a part of good prayer life to lean contentment sexually by continuing to give thanks.  I am learning.

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on February 25, 2020.
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              I used to pray for our local pregnancy center and the babies, but avoided thinking too much about the women. I saw them as my enemy because they cherished so little what I longed for so much. One day I felt God convicting me of that attitude and urging me to pray for them and look for ways to bless the women distinct from the babies.

              The change in my heart was profound. I found a peace that had not previously been possible.

              Yes, Elevation is 100% right.

              Under the stars Answered on February 25, 2020.
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