Which types of sex describe your activity?
During a recent sleepless night, I contemplated the various types of sex one encounters in marriage as follows:
- Fun sex; sex that enjoys the journey as well as the destination.
- Eager sex; sex that is anticipated and looked forward to.
- Desperate sex; sex that is wanted so bad the couple can hardly wait to get their clothes off to get started.
- Hesitant sex; sex that requires at least one participant to be convinced they want it
- Quickie sex; sex when partners don’t have the time or energy to put a lot into it.
- Gift sex; sex offered when she isn’t up to it but out of love for her spouse is offers it a gift of love.
- Wham bam thank you ma’am sex; sex almost forced on her which she does not participate in or enjoy. How many of the above have you participated in and which of the above describes the majority of your sexual activity?
We haven’t really experienced #3 (that I recall) or #7, the rest are ones we have.
I think #’s 4, 5 & 6 are the majority of our experiences in this season, and they are all intertwined. If I didn’t act out of love and “gift”, it would be “no sex” the majority of the time. “Quickies” (as in quick, not one-sided) are about all I can give, and often I am “hesitant” in what to expext and invest, but once we start, I am often “convinced” (aka responsive desire).
4 – 90% of the time. Usually me trying to figure out the kiss/touch foreplay combination of the day to get Wifey’s desire going. I feel like a safecracker in a heist movie.
5 – 5% of the time. When the stars align and Wifey’s motor gets running all by itself she tends to skip over foreplay to the main event. I think, but haven’t asked, that she is afraid it won’t last so we better get while the getting’s good!
6 – 5% of the time. Usually starts as a 4, but Wifey’s bits just aren’t cooperating.
1 and 2 sound amazing! I wish I could look forward to a known lovemaking event with anticipation coupled with teasing and flirting.
All the rest, yes. #3 would possibly be the least.
I read DH the list, and he couldn’t say which one was the most frequent. I did reassure him that #7 had never, ever happened!
Guess we are on the same page with how we think about it.
As newwifenewlife described, it sounds like #7 could be rape, therefore people might be fearful to admit to it, but, it can feel like this is what’s happening by the attitude given. A husband can’t control a wife’s attitude (i.e. disdain) or whether she will try to enjoy it, but there can be such a desperate need for an emotional and sexual connection with their wife, they will take the few and random chances they get, and to me, that’s understandable and I don’t want them to feel looked down upon or judged for it.
I would guess that my husband may have described some encounters in our past as a #7, because of how it felt by MY attitude, not by HIS intent.