Why do you have sex?
This question came to mind several days ago and I have been thinking on it. I would love to hear some others’ thoughts on this.
So, why do you have sex? Are there different reasons during different seasons of your life? Have you had difficult times where it seemed the only reason you had sex was because the Bible teaches it, or because your marriage needs it?
Bonus question: can you answer the above for your spouse, as well?
Many good answers already, and clearly, the reasons change during the course of the marriage. I like sex because it provides me with a deep emotional and physical connection to DW, and it brought my beloved children into existence. I also enjoy sex because of the pleasure it gives to my DW.
Here’s a few…
Natural horniness…in other words, because I want to
Combats my stress and depression
Its something we do for just us. No kids or family worries, just the two of us.
Helps to keep my thoughts and eyes central to our relationship. To bring about our “oneness”.
Yes, there are different reasons in different seasons. And, yes, there have been times I have done it only because the Bible teaches it and to be obedient and I know our marriage needs it.
Other reasons in various seasons…
- I enjoy the physical pleasure.
- I love my husband.
- To feel feminine, beautiful and desired.
- To conceive.
- For comfort.
- There’s a sleep and pain-relief benefit.
- A future reason… use it, so I don’t lose it.
I’m sure there are more, but that’s what I can think of at the moment.
I have sex because my husband wants it. I have no desire to have sex for myself. It was a wonderful thing to realize this and be ok with it. It madr it easier to have sex for my husband. When i stopped beating myself up for being “broken”, and just accepted that this is the way God made me.
As for the DH he has sex and i quote ” because he can”
Before I discovered TMB, I believe the biggest 2 reasons for having sex was because married people do it, and men needed it. Unfortunately, I didn’t give any thought to the fact that the Bible even talked about it. Actually, I probably didn’t even understand back than that it said much about it. Nor did I have a clue that it really is the glue that helps hold our marriage together.
My real, deep down answer now, is this. I now heartily engage in sex because I love the afterglow, more than sex itself, and the bonding that I feel after. I love feeling so close to DH. I know what the Bible teaches and I know the good it has done our marriage. Also, apparently its good for one’s health, as well. And occasionally, its a form of ‘making up’ and coming back together after having to work out a few things between us.
DH would agree on the Bible part, and the good for the marriage part. The rest I haven’t discussed lately, with him. I know the afterglow isn’t as meaningful to him, as the actual sex would be.
Wow! Lots of good reasons already!
- enjoyment for DW and for me
- show and receive love
- meet her needs
- glorify God with my body!
- be obedient to God’s word
- become a better lover
- be a good steward of my sexuality
- have frequent Os
- meet my needs
Wow. Lots of reasons. I hear the Bible here and connection and needs. On the science side, we all have a sex drive. That sex drive is understood as a natural thing. the Bible assumes sex drive’s existence and does not debate it. Also on the science side is how to lose your sex drive through sexual trauma, injury or psychological issues. As we get married, we can all assume a thing called consumation. Without it, the woman remains a virgin and the marriage is not completed. Any number of things slow, restrict or damage the sex drive including culture, religion, pornography and repulsiveness (ick factor). In todays world, men are exposed to a lot of sexual images and may be pressured toward curiosity and/or experimentation as the lack of morals fuel sexual activity in most places in the world. In other words, you mostly can’t hide from sexuality.
In my world, a steady knowledge of my dads stack of mild porn, probably fueled my own curiosity. As I began a relationship with girls in HS and later my wife, curiosity was high. I assumed all women. possessed the same level of sexuality as men. I was wrong. I also assumed that childhood trauma could be worked out easily and that love would fix everything. Once again, I was wrong.
Despite my presuppositions on sexuality in my younger days, I remain the same; I am hugely interested in my wife, her body and in sexuality with her despite her lower sex drive. I feel that she is sexually affected by everything I do and this depresses me to no end. My only conclusion is that she often assumes that I can turn off my sex drive when other things get in the way. This is of course NOT true. I still want sex and still want to chase her sexually. I would build her a house if she was more sexual.
Despite all this, I really feel that my sexual appetite is hormone driven. That said, I try to keep my mind in check so I don’t violate Gods rules for my sexual life. When I am not sexually satisfied, it is hard to “turn off the sex drive” to match my wife’s.