Why even ask a LD spouse for sex?

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    Why would you even ask a LD spouse for sex?  I seems to me that you are asking someone you are supposed to be kind and loving to to do something that they would rather not do.  That really doesn’t seem like a very kind thing to do.  As a spouse we are to always put our spouses wants and desires ahead of our own.

    Iknow that envy is a very strong word ; but I envy all of you who have this sex.thing all figured out.  I can only imagine what a relationship would be like to have a mutually satisfying sex life.

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      I understand that constantly being asked for something you don’t want feels unloving. Very true. Just as true as constantly being told you can’t have something you want is unloving. So, it sounds like two ways of living unloving lives.

      Tabitha, don’t you see that your DH has made major compromises in how much sex he receives? Like, how much more should he be denied until you are pleased with his level of compromise for you?

      How seriously have you considered compromising for him? As much as he is compromising for you? Like how about for two months you adjust to the level that he would enjoy?

       

      Under the stars Answered on December 17, 2019.
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        @LIT56RD

        What you said about not asking God for anything because you think he has given up on you is something I have been through. I know we’re not the only ones who have felt that way. We are all sinners. I won’t go through my past here, but my sins are so great I was certain God was not only finished with me, but actively punishing me. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

        Read Luke 19 sometime. Verse 10 is Christ saying, “I have come to seek and save the lost.” He was criticized for that, for choosing to spend time with sinners instead of the righteous. But if we were all righteous, then there was no point of what he did in the cross.

        When we say Christ died to save us from our sins, that sounds cute and all. But what it really means is, no one can live up to an ideal of perfection. Not one person can go through the Bible and say that they’ve checked all the boxes. I have read the Ten Commandments and have felt sick to my stomach because I’ve violated seven of them. If they were a test in school, that’s a 30%. So low that it’s worse than an F. You can’t come back from that in the real world.

        But God is greater than that. The whole point of Christmas is that he sent his only son to earth just because he knew people like you and me needed someone to take on the burden of our past.

        Everything God does is done for his own glory. Where is the glory in saving someone who’s so righteous he doesn’t actually need saving? That’s like a doctor bragging that he’s working medical miracles on someone who’s already healthy.

        And consider the apostle Peter. He denied even knowing Jesus three separate times just to save his own skin. You’d think that would be the unforgivable sin. Instead, Jesus personally forgave him, and then set Peter up as the leader of the church. Or Paul, who loved murdering Christians as part of his daily routine? Christ personally came to him and set him up to write a huge chunk of the New Testament and spread the word of the Gospel music farther than anyone has done before or since. As it was phrased to me once, “What makes you think your sins are so special that you’re worse than Peter or Paul?”

        Fact is, there is no unforgivable sin. And God’s not done with you. That’s why you’re on a Christian messaging board. You have only to repent and ask for forgiveness and for help dealing with the guilt of your sins. Every single one of them has already been paid for by Christ’s sacrifice, because that’s how much God loves you.

        I will pray for you and your troubles. Because I’ve been where you are, and I know firsthand the growth that God can bring in you. You are special to him, as special as you were the day you were born.

        Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on December 14, 2019.
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          Lit – we are praying for you. And remember that the beauty of Grace is that it’s God’s love for us that we didn’t earn. And if you didn’t earn it you don’t have to be good to keep it. It’s your because of Jesus’goodness, not yours.
          I consider my own kids. They couldn’t possibly sin enough to get me to stop loving them. So how much more loving and kind is our perfectly heavenly Father!
          Over and over he holds me when I have nothing left. He will do the same for you.
          Keep pressing into him.

          King bed Answered on December 14, 2019.
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            @LIT56RD

            I, too, don’t have much use for the entitled. I have a similar sense of independence to yours.

            The Christian worldview, as it was written in the Bible and not by entitled people who feel God exists to serve their purposes, fits in with that. God saves us from our sins, yes. But it is for his glory, not ours.

            And there are two steps to the process. The first is justification. That occurred when Christ sacrificed himself and then God called us to be part of his kingdom. That’s a one-and-done deal and has nothing to do with us other than accepting the call. But the second step, sanctification, is a life-long process. That involves more work on our part. Reading the Bible, growing in understanding of what it means to be Christ-like, conversing with wise believers and growing in the faith.

            We are never really finished with that process. I can assure you that I am far from finished. Some of us might be farther along, but we will all slip backwards at times. We will always need God, his Word, and the wise Christians he puts into our lives to help us with the journey. We’re human, we mess up, and God has resources in place to help us with that. From what I’ve seen, most of the people on this board are blessed to be part of that.

            I’m glad you’re here. This is what it means to be part of God’s people. We look out for each other.

            Blanket on a secluded beach! Answered on December 15, 2019.
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              Let me ask a question.
              Is sex a need?

              Let me ask a better question.
              Is sex a need in marriage?

              Without sex, if the marriage is not consummated an annulment is universally accepted.

              Sex is most definitely a need and a requirement in marriage.
              God’s intent on this is clear.

              I absolutely have to say that your question is so simple, so elegant, so confounding……
              it strikes at the very core of the issue many face in the marriage bed.

              I’m a HD wife, and I have to say your perspective is not correct, but I sure understand it! LoL!

              I’m gonna hang out, sit in the back row and grab some popcorn & read the responses. And shake my head yes as I agree every *** viewpoint on both sides!

              Queen bed Answered on December 17, 2019.
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                Dove Grey, thank you for your response. Low desire can also mean no response. And no response speaks great volumes to my  true lack of sexual abilities   And believe me my abilities must really be lacking.

                Double bed Answered on December 14, 2019.

                Women’s bodies do not work like that. We have hormones and sometimes they cause us to fell nothing or feel bad even with the most skilled lover. Some women this could be most of the time. I am a willing sexual participant and sometimes it just feels crap. Othertimes it feels great and I have realised the hormonal link to that due to where I am in my cycle.

                Not to mention psychological issues due to past experiences can effect us until fully dealt with. This can be years of active working on it and won’t happen when being swept under the rug.

                on April 18, 2020.
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                  David thank you for taking time to respond. I really wish we could experiment but and change in routine is meet with much hesitation. I am not one to brow beat my spouse for anything.

                  Peach rings thank you for your comments. I think I understand responsive desire. The only hiccup with that is you have to have the he opportunity to create some arousal in order to get that desire. You said you need to be a student. As a student of my spouse I have asked many questions about likes and dislikes. I usually can get a response when asking about dislikes but rarely any comments on likes. I know this is a Christian forum and what I am about to say is not popular. Peach rings you said I need to ask God to change my spouse. I don’t ask God for anything for I firmly believe he has giv n up on me. How could anyone who has broken so many rules in the Bible so many times even consider being in god’s favor. Anyone con only put up with so much and I know I’ve reached my limit with God.

                  Olorin thank you for your concern. Oh I so wish we could try a vibrator but that is one thing that definitely off limits.

                  Thank you all for your prayers. Maybe by some chance God will respond to my needs if you guys ask

                  Double bed Answered on December 14, 2019.
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                    Thanks to all who have responded.  Dovegrey, I am quite surprised by your comments that at one time you thought as I do. I figured most everyone on this board has this whole God thing completely accomplished. Done completed. I have lived my entire life by the motto that nothing is free. You work for everything and somethings you don’t get because you don’t measure up or can’t accomplish it.  I am fearcely independent and tend to not lean on anyone so I am not a bother to them. If I can’t get it done on my own then I probably won’t get done.  I absolutely loath people who believe they are entitled to something just because they breath

                    Again thank you to all who used their precious time to respond you have given me some things to contemplate. I will continue to read on here for I realize that all on this forum a lot smarter and understand this who sex thing better than I ever will.  And you can help many more people with your vast knowledge.

                    Double bed Answered on December 14, 2019.
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                      Constantly asking for something I don’t want to do feels unloving. There is nothing wrong with having a low sex drive, it is the way I was made. Love is genuinely caring for the needs of the other and recognizing they can’t give more than they can. Pressure and badgering to perform when you are not in the mood is unloving. Cherry picking verses about wives not depriving the husband is unloving. There needs to be compromise by both partners and acceptance of what you are able to give without further expectations.

                      Twin bed Answered on December 17, 2019.
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