Wife says touching herself “doesn’t do anything”
I discovered how arousing it was to watch my wife masturbate early on in our marriage. We had bought a book from a local store that had a lot of different sexual positions and things to do. We worked through the book and that was one of the things to do (masturbate together).
Over our marriage she has done this only a handful of times. I will not lie, I ask for it because of how much it turns me on.
The answer I get from her most times is, “It does not do anything for me.”
Now, I know physiologically, this is not true. She’s taken herself to O for me before. I know she can. She also gets off when I manually stimulate her. I realize that it may not be as enjoyable as my touch since there is not that connection there, but I feel she is lying to me. I have my thoughts and opinions as to why, but feel there is dishonesty here.
Ladies, do you feel the same as my wife? For those that do MB, did you feel the same as my wife before? How did you get over this hurdle?
“Doesn’t do anything for me” may just mean she doesn’t enjoy it and has no desire for it.
There are many things in our sexual relationship that “don’t do anything for me” but I am not doing them for me, I do it for my husband.
Does your wife have a willingness to do things for you? Her heart matters much more than whether something is a preference or not.
I started masturbating as an older child (younger than a teen), I have a clear conscience and am comfortable in doing it…. but to be on display while doing it, not so much.
I do not feel the same way as your wife, but I know women who do. It is a completely different feeling than when the husband is involved.
Many women have mental hang-ups about MB. This could stem from a variety of reasons. She could be self-conscious about performing for you, and unwilling or too embarrassed to share that with you. Or, she could have been taught from a young age that MB is wrong, and she has guilt associated with it. Either of those emotions will kill the pleasure for her.
I know the first times I did this when my husband asked, I felt so ridiculous that I had to shut my eyes and pretend he wasn’t in the room. It basically closed any connection with him. I got over this eventually, but it took time.
Even if she isn’t being honest with you, try to be understanding when you have this conversation with her. There could be a lot under the surface that she’s embarrassed to share with you.
“Now, I know physiologically, this is not true. She’s taken herself to O for me before. I know she can. She also gets off when I manually stimulate her. I realize that it may not be as enjoyable as my touch since there is not that connection there, but I ” she is lying to me. I have my thoughts and opinions as to why, but feel there is dishonesty here.”
Physiologically, she may be able to O from masturbation, but that doesn’t mean she’s lying to you. I can’t speak for your wife, but my wife very much prefers the connection to intercourse than masturbating.
Just a note. I’ve been married for 28 years. I would advise you against assuming a negative reason (such as lying) when she does or says something contrary to what you want. If she is lying about something like that, you can’t prove it one way or another, anyway, so it is not beneficial to accuse her of it. Instead, pray for her and leave the rest up to the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for unwarranted bitterness and anger later on.
When I am with hubby his touch (even if doing something not great) feels much more than me touching myself. If I was alone then I could do something with myself, but when with hubby it doesn’t do anything. Kinda like you can’t tickle yourserlf, but someone else can.
Sometimes I try, but stop quickly as no good feels.