Wives, how do you mentally prepare for intimacy with your husband when your not feeling it?
Preparation for intamacy
Sexual intimacy? It seems like I am “not feeling it” more than “feeling it”. Because I am in the situation where my husband is a much higher drive than I. (He would prefer 2x a day, or 14x a week, vs. my 3-4x a week preference.)
There are several things I do or have done, these are not all necessarily done every single time, but it could be one thing, or a mix & match.
1) Remember what I have learned about “responsive desire”. There is a high likelihood that once things begin, I will enjoy it. So, I have to try to keep my mouth shut so that I don’t throw a wet blanket on the whole thing. (If you aren’t aware of responsive desire, learn about it!)
2) Pray. If my issue is more than just not wanting to, I pray for the Spirit to help change my heart. I often have to forgive my husband in those prayers. I can’t think of one time, that after praying, the Lord didn’t answer my prayers.
3) Have a transition time. My shower is often the close of my day and the beginning of my night. It’s when I put my “mommy-mode” aside, and other “to-do” things away, and I transition more to a relaxed mode, which also aids in the sexual mode. A soak in the tub is another way I have transitioned.
4) Doing something with my husband that makes me feel emotionally connected first. For me, that is typically talking about what is on my mind, &/or receiving a massage.
5) Start preparing much earlier in the day. This could mean I just start thinking about it and even making plans for it. I might wear something that makes me feel sexier, or even use an item/toy that keeps me sexually focused (e.g. nipple or clitoris jewelry, ben wa balls, butt plug, etc, etc)
6) Remembering what I am called to do as a believer, and because I love Christ my desire is to be obedient. I remember I am called to love. One of the greatest ways my husband (and many husbands) feel loved, is via sex. I also realize, and surrender to it, that in and of myself, I am incapable of loving. I am dependent on being filled with, and walking by, the Holy Spirit. It’s only by Christ in me, that I am victorious.