Wives, how do you mentally prepare for intimacy with your husband when your not feeling it?

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    Sexual intimacy? It seems like I am “not feeling it” more than “feeling it”. Because I am in the situation where my husband is a much higher drive than I. (He would prefer 2x a day, or 14x a week, vs. my 3-4x a week preference.)

    There are several things I do or have done, these are not all necessarily done every single time, but it could be one thing, or a mix & match.

    1) Remember what I have learned about “responsive desire”. There is a high likelihood that once things begin, I will enjoy it. So, I have to try to keep my mouth shut so that I don’t throw a wet blanket on the whole thing. (If you aren’t aware of responsive desire, learn about it!)

    2) Pray. If my issue is more than just not wanting to, I pray for the Spirit to help change my heart. I often have to forgive my husband in those prayers. I can’t think of one time, that after praying, the Lord didn’t answer my prayers.

    3) Have a transition time. My shower is often the close of my day and the beginning of my night. It’s when I put my “mommy-mode” aside, and other “to-do” things away, and I transition more to a relaxed mode, which also aids in the sexual mode. A soak in the tub is another way I have transitioned.

    4) Doing something with my husband that makes me feel emotionally connected first. For me, that is typically talking about what is on my mind, &/or receiving a massage.

    5) Start preparing much earlier in the day. This could mean I just start thinking about it and even making plans for it. I might wear something that makes me feel sexier, or even use an item/toy that keeps me sexually focused (e.g. nipple or clitoris jewelry, ben wa balls, butt plug, etc, etc)

    6) Remembering what I am called to do as a believer, and because I love Christ my desire is to be obedient. I remember I am called to love. One of the greatest ways my husband (and many husbands) feel loved, is via sex. I also realize, and surrender to it, that in and of myself, I am incapable of loving. I am dependent on being filled with, and walking by, the Holy Spirit. It’s only by Christ in me, that I am victorious.

    Under the stars Answered on July 12, 2019.

    Thank you, SC, for this list. I’ve been worrying about how or if my drive would come back post-surgery and this list is very encouraging as a game plan if things don’t just happen easily!

    on July 12, 2019.

    I am glad it might be helpful to someone. 🙂

    on July 13, 2019.

    Yes, Thank you so much! I can finally respond. My drive has been way up for years now, but I recently have a surprise pregnancy and it has completely depleted my drive!! I’ve tried to keep Pershing but it hasn’t been easy. Listening to love songs that make me think of sex has helped.

    on July 16, 2019.
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      TBH – I’m always feeling like sex, unless I am really sick which is very rare.

      Queen bed Answered on July 12, 2019.
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        I drink two shots prior to intimacy and one after as a “reward”. It is the only time I drink and it is my substitute for an orgasm or oxytocin release because neither of those things happen.

        Double bed Answered on August 6, 2019.
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