Would this bother you?

    I am wondering how you would react and if you would be bothered under this scenario?

    Your spouse and a teenage child head out in the morning. You are told they will be home between 1:00 and 2:00.  Come 3:30, you hear nothing, so you text, no reply.  Around 4:00 you try calling, it goes straight to voice mail.  You call the teens phone, it won’t go through. You call several more times, same results.  You ask your other grown kids if they heard from their parent … no.  At 4:45, 3ish HOURS past expected home time, you finally get a call. 

    Are you bothered?  Do you care?

    Respect, honor and politeness  go together. In a world of constant connection, yeah, most people would be bothered unless the place they were going had poor signal towers, or a busy event that kept them off the phone.

    Also, are they the missing persons upset and apologetic as well? This is missing from the narrative.

    Is someone telling you to NOT be upset? Did the wife/teen give you a return time or a time to have them call back, etc?

    on May 22, 2020.
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    22 Answer(s)

      It might bother me, but around here cell service is not 100% reliable. There have been times my wife has been out past the time I expected her back, and I wasn’t able to get a call or text through. Mostly I get worried about her safety versus getting annoyed with her if I don’t get a reply.

      Queen bed Answered on May 22, 2020.
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        I would be bothered by that.

        On the floor Answered on May 22, 2020.
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          I’d be worried (okay, probably panicked, but that’s just me) more than mad. I’d want to know why it happened. If it was just carelessness about how their actions affected me (as opposed to a phone issue or another good reason) then I would be somewhat mad. Edited:  No, not somewhat. In all honesty I’d be pretty darn mad.

          Under the stars Answered on May 22, 2020.
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            It would bother me, and it would bother my DW. I spend a lot of time hunting and fishing and I’ve been guilty of doing this. I not only accepted my wife’s anxiety and irritation in these cases, but I knew I would feel the same if the role were reversed.
            I have a brother-in-law that routinely

            On the floor Answered on May 22, 2020.
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              I do appreciate all your thoughts…. it is nice to know that my reaction wouldn’t be uncommon or that it isn’t wrong.  My husband would probably fall where @Nova is… so he has no real grasp of what those actions/choices do to people like me.  I could be that person as @LBD mentioned, in a ditch or on the ground dying, and I could not count on my husband having any thought to be concerned and come looking for me…. and that’s why I usually communicate with other family members 😉   Although we have talked about this enough in our past, that he knows, and apologized for putting me “in that place of fear” (although that’s just the tip of the iceberg.)

              Under the stars Answered on May 22, 2020.

              So..the question is what is HE going to do about it? And what are you going to do about it?

              on May 22, 2020.

              Since he has done a lot better in recent years, we are looking at this as a one time random mistake.  And I will give the benefit of the doubt that he was reminded of the importance of not getting too wrapped up in his own stuff, that he forgets about me.

              Personally, I have been trying to figure out if I should really let him in and process through all the emotion with him, or just do it on my own and move on.

              But, I have already realized that this reopened up a door that was unexpected…. just within this hour, he was going to run out and run a quick errand to grab me something… the max time it should have taken was 15 minutes.  He left me in our room, 45 minutes later, he still hadn’t come back in.  My mind went to “where is he, did something happen”, when I first started noticing he was taking longer than what should have been.  It reopened or triggered an old fear and old response.  When he did walk in and I mentioned that I was starting to get worried… I could tell he was impatient with it and thinks it should be over and done…. which points to the fact that he truly doesn’t understand the impact his actions had.

              on May 22, 2020.

              I don’t want to come across like I don’t get concerned when my wife is unexpectedly incommunicado for extended periods. I have a fairly active imagination, and often my mind turns to worst-case scenarios for lack of complete information. But panic is not in my nature, and once her safety is confirmed, the whole thing is over as far as I’m concerned.

              on May 22, 2020.

              Maybe this is an opportunity for you both. As I read your last response the thought struck me that 30 mins is no big deal. I might go to the store to pick up eggs and while I’m there get distracted by this new fishing pole they had displayed, etc. unless a specific time was established- “I’ll be back in 15 mins” – then don’t gig me because I took a few more. However, several hours is a BIG deal. I too am one that my mind will go to worse-case thoughts fairly quickly if I’m not vigilant to avoid it. How many times are those “worst cases” true? Just about never. So how much unnecessary heart ache and stress am I causing myself with them? Sometimes a lot. It seems that moms often have the hardest time with this. Rightfully so. But there is validity to the idea of “control what you can and give God the rest.” Then we realize all we can control is our attitude.

              I might consider taking this opportunity to, in fact “let him in”, to use your words, to all the emotions and negative thoughts you had. The stress and heart sick you felt. Then let him know that you are working on some of that BUT he needs to work on his part too. 30 minutes is not a big deal. I’d say that one is probably on you. Several hours, with a child, is a HUGE deal and that is on him!  Work together. Use these two opportunities to your mutual growth.

               

              on May 23, 2020.
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                My wife and kids would have no excuse for a dead cell phone.  I buy charger or usb cables in all the cars. The only saving grace from a bigger fight would be that she (or I) would have a teen with us because otherwise, that would probably trigger a ghost of the past for both of us. 

                Under the stars Answered on May 22, 2020.
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                  I’d be livid. What would happen if the tables were turned?

                  On the floor Answered on May 22, 2020.

                  If the tables were turned… he wouldn’t have been concerned or thought a thing about it.  That’s some of the issue, because he wouldn’t think anything about it, he has a harder time putting himself in my shoes.

                  on May 22, 2020.

                  Honestly, that makes it more understandable.

                  on May 22, 2020.
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                    I’ll join the chorus of “I’d be bothered/worried by that.”

                    But it doesn’t matter how all of us would feel–it matters how you feel. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way, nor is there much you can do to change how you feel. Thus, it’s up to you and your husband to get him to understand that this part of you needs to be respected by him. That’s part of being in a mature marriage.

                    -Scott

                    Under the stars Answered on May 22, 2020.
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                      Yes, it would bother me.  If batteries or cell phone lines were out, I would understand.  If they were going together to a late night event (all night prayer  meeting) it might not bother me as much.

                      California King Answered on May 22, 2020.
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                        It would bother Me. I try to let DW know if I am running late
                        Unfortunately, She is not as diligent about keeping Me posted. She does not always keep her phone on her person , and does not always check it, or let me know what is going on. I have learned that it is how she is, and if she misses out on something, well, it is her own fault.

                        Queen bed Answered on May 25, 2020.
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