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Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

What science can tell us about sex.
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Link+Zelda
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Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by Link+Zelda »

Not sure if this is "Science of Sex", but maybe it falls into that given it's tied to psychology...

I've been thinking about the topic of personality types in the MB ever since I saw it briefly mentioned by PaulB in a this TGH post a while back: Package Deal in the Bedroom. Specifically, in it he said the following:
As I mentioned, Lori is an INTJ. That means we will never have swinging from the chandelier sex. It means she rave about how great sex was when it was great. And that’s okay. If those things had been critical to me, I would have married someone who is not INTJ.
I'm not quite sure about the third sentence (is there a typo/mistake?), but just the general idea piqued my interest. While I realize that M-B personality types and similar concepts are merely a framework for modeling and understanding a continuum of possible personalities, I still utilize them for a lot of my interactions.

Yet, I'd never really thought about their application in the bedroom. Maybe that's just because the movies/high school tend to make it out like personality in everyday life is totally separation--you know, the whole "she's shy/quiet normally but a beast in the bed" thing. But honestly, I think the personality type should play into bedroom behavior for many people.

Prior to typing this question, I did do a quick search and the top hit was this: What Each Myers-Briggs Type is Like In Bed (warning: there is an image of a kissing topless couple in the link...mostly tasteful with no breasts shown, but still wanted to warn). I read the description for ISTJ, which covers both Zelda and me, and it seemed to fit well for Zelda. But looking through most of the others, I really got the impression that the article was more horoscope like--maybe fun to read, but really just a demonstration of how your mind connects dots and infills gaps to make things fit. It didn't help that the article wasn't limited to just married sex either.

So, I thought it'd be good to have a discussion here on it. Anything related to this is fair game, but I did have the following suggestions for starting points (note, M-B = Myers-Briggs and MB = Marriage Bed...I know., tricky):
  • Does the above M-B article fit in your marriage?
  • Are there resources that are serious that discuss this and would be helpful?
  • For you and your spouse, does your public personality in any way correlate to your MB behavior?
  • For those that have changed M-B types over time, have you seen your MB behavior also change? Vice versa?
  • Is anyone quite happy with their spouse's personality outside of bed but then wish they'd have a different personality in bed?
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by hastentheday »

Because of a promise I made to @threesacrowd, this is information I won't discuss / write here and is to be shared only between the two of us. But, I had a couple of related questions that maybe someone can help answer. How do I find out what Myers-Briggs Type I am? Is there a website? Is there a questionnaire that I can take? Is it free? How useful is it in helping make a marriage relationship stronger? Thanks so much.
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by Irnmyk »

I'm not familiar with the M-B language, but I am familiar with the D, I, S, & C language.

To amplify @HTD's question above, is anyone aware of a crossover between M-B and DISC language? Both have 16 personality types (well, really 15 because the top left corner of the matrix is common to both vertical and horizontal columns).

But, to answer the question, the type of personality that a person has absolutely drives everything that they do and that includes the MB. Since the MB is more intimate and personal than other situations in life, it may be more important to understand these drivers as they affect our reactions to the MB.
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by SeekingChange »

hastentheday wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 10:24 am How do I find out what Myers-Briggs Type I am? Is there a website? Is there a questionnaire that I can take? Is it free?
Here are some different links to different tests: Tools/Tests
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by hastentheday »

Irnmyk wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 10:43 am I'm not familiar with the M-B language, but I am familiar with the D, I, S, & C language.
@Irnmyk,
Not familiar with D, I, S, & C language either. What can you share about it? I suppose I'm asking you to rabbit trail down on a post that is no way related to the original post which is against Board rules and I have gotten in trouble before for this behavior. You can PM me or if you're comfortable start another thread?
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by Irnmyk »

@HTD - I don't think it is off topic at all; in fact, it is the topic. So, I'll post the answer here for the benefit of the TMB Nation.

Here's a link to a book that explains the DISC system on a Biblical basis (I've done it on a secular basis and this Biblical basis).

https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Ot ... 0802411061

People familiar with the M-B system will recognize the similarity of the D=Dominant, I=Interpersonal, S=Steady and C=Consistent (or compliant) categories of the DISC system, I think.

Dominant is the Director. Interpersonal is the "never meets a stranger" Salesman. Steady is the guy who can put the same part on a car coming down the same assembly line day after day, year after year. Consistent is the accountant who works by his set of rules.

I am D with I, and DW is S/C. What I know from those studies is that as a "D" person, when presented with new information, I can change my mind faster than I can change my underwear. The book is done in several publishing's, but in one my category was listed as a "Joshua".

DW on the other hand, with her S/C characteristics, takes a lot of consoling, persuading, cajoling and all the above repeated over and over before she will make a change.

But as a D/I person, one of our main fears is being taken advantage of and fear loss of power/control, for example.

Both of these characteristics have a direct bearing on what goes on in our marriage, and more to the point, our MB.

And, as a BTW, the first person to test me was a minister doing this to supplement his income, and he noted that after a long time of doing this testing mostly among our Denomination that the predominant characteristic of those that he had tested was S/C. People who don't change fast, and hold to the rules that they establish for themselves. He, like me, also a "D" are oddballs in our church realm.
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by SeekingChange »

Does the above M-B article fit in your marriage?

I think I saw this years ago, or something similar.... I had to laugh while reading our types because it has us pretty pegged.

ME:
ISTJ- The Organized Lover
Sex to you is a natural part of any good relationship, and is vital in keeping things happy. You enjoy sex, just like anyone else- but you prefer when things are predictable and scheduled. [Um-hum] You dislike too many surprises in the bedroom, and enjoy following what you know best. [Can I get an, Amen!?!] You are sure to please your partner and know how to perform well, as long as you can maintain some level of control. [Control seems to be a big underlying factor.] You like the idea of someone else being able to take charge and you might even be able to find the right ENFP to bring you out of your shell. [What!?! How did they know I am married to, and needed, an ENFP. ;) :lol:
HIM:
ENFP- The Fervent Lover
You require an emotional connection to be able to be fully intimate with someone. [There's that "emotional connection" thing that seems to always be a key issue. ;) ] Once you have established a connection, you are a very enthusiastic and passionate lover. You have a very high sex drive [see, it appears he's pretty "normal" for his type] and see it as an opportunity to express yourself fully to someone. You enjoy being able to explore new sides of yourself and don’t like to set restrictions in the bedroom. You probably have heard you were the best your lovers ever had [True, but we are also each others "one and only".], and it doesn’t come as a surprise to us. Your creativity and passion in your daily life, translates very well into the bedroom. [He is very creative and passionate, in all of life.]
Is anyone quite happy with their spouse's personality outside of bed but then wish they'd have a different personality in bed?

Whether in or out of the bedroom, there can definitely be some "issues" that come with such differences between us. It can be very frustrating at times, but I also see the good at the differences.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by SeekingHer »

Wow! This does have us pegged right on the money @SeekingChange! I'm so glad I married the perfect ISTJ for me! 😁
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” - Matthew 19:26 NIV
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by Irnmyk »

Found it:

https://www.truity.com/blog/myers-brigg ... comparison

I'm not sure that I agree with all his assertions about the DISC system, but I see that his bias is towards M-B, so I'll get out the salt and use a few grains on his comments. I can certainly tell you from a DISC profile done on you whether you will be results or process oriented.

And, I don't see half the letters that some of you are using in your posts in his material; curious.

Crossing over, that would make me an ET and her an IF, but looking at the DISC matrix wheel, we are polar opposites, which has made for one fine marriage overall. (I have always said that I'd hate to be married to someone with my personality...)
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Re: Personality Types in the Marriage Bed

Post by WirelessRouter »

Irnmyk wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 2:14 pm And, I don't see half the letters that some of you are using in your posts in his material; curious.
Here is a good pro listing of the types and what each letter stands for.

Here is a great graphic contrasting the traits of each letter.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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