Special Groups

We have sections you must join to use. You can see the full list here. Most you can join with a click. The medical and pastoral groups require approval.
Note, some groups were not accepting new members properly. That is fixed.

'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Self image, being intentional, sexual awakening, nudity, modesty limits, likes/dislikes, sex language
Forum rules
Post in this section can be seen by guests and search engines.
User avatar
hastentheday
Queen bed
Queen bed
Posts: 157
Joined: Mon Feb 01, 2021 7:33 pm

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by hastentheday »

Link+Zelda wrote: Wed Apr 07, 2021 1:06 pm
PaulB wrote: Wed Apr 07, 2021 1:02 pm I suspect a lot of couples are doing or avoiding certain sex acts for reasons that have nothing to do with sex.
Had to quote this and focus on it so that everyone reading would get to read it a second time. I think we should all stop and think about that pretty deeply.
I am wondering if it might be more beneficial to TMB nation here if someone lays out "the reasons couples avoid certain sex acts that have nothing to do with sex." I suppose this could be another thread if need be.....
2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
User avatar
Link+Zelda
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2051
Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2020 6:16 pm
Location: North America

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by Link+Zelda »

newwifenewlife wrote: Wed Apr 07, 2021 3:10 pm As to the idea of a "right way to do a hand job", I think there no right way but there is ONE WAY to do it wrong: not using lube. :shock:
In the spirit of this thread, I hope none of the singles on TMB read that and assume they need to use lube. Don't want to go putting ideas in their head that might not be true for them.

We've never used lube for a HJ and probably never will. I've had pre-seminal fluid leak out and lube stuff up a bit, and I actually prefer it without that. To be fair, both Zelda and I really like the skin-on-skin tugging early during PIV before things get really lubed up down there, and that's some of our favorite penetration time. Of course, maybe people shouldn't listen to me since I've had recurring issues with penile friction burn from intercourse...
-Link+Zelda
User avatar
Oldbear
California King
California King
Posts: 773
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by Oldbear »

Sex is a God created need and desire in all of us. He also imbued His creation of mankind with the unique combination of body, soul, and spirit. No other living creature has all three. That's a built-in attribute and ability within humans to be inventive and creative - as God intended it to be! And ‘It is good!’

When man sinned, the door opened to misuse God’s creative good. That happens when the marriage bed is violated with adultery, fornication, and a lack of love and respect (Ephesians 5).

We also know that there is ‘nothing new under the sun’ (Ecclesiastes 1:9).

Mrs. Youngbear/Oldbear and I have enjoyed lots of creativity is our sex life. As I’ve read and learned, most of those creative and inventive ways and means are nothing new under the sun! Actually, things that we thought were edgy or questionable turned out to be natural, normal, and in the context of the sacred marriage bed good and nothing new under the sun!
User avatar
newwifenewlife
Under the stars
Under the stars
Posts: 2253
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am
Location: Place colder than I want to be

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by newwifenewlife »

Link+Zelda wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 6:57 am
newwifenewlife wrote: Wed Apr 07, 2021 3:10 pm As to the idea of a "right way to do a hand job", I think there no right way but there is ONE WAY to do it wrong: not using lube. :shock:
In the spirit of this thread, I hope none of the singles on TMB read that and assume they need to use lube. Don't want to go putting ideas in their head that might not be true for them.

We've never used lube for a HJ and probably never will. I've had pre-seminal fluid leak out and lube stuff up a bit, and I actually prefer it without that. To be fair, both Zelda and I really like the skin-on-skin tugging early during PIV before things get really lubed up down there, and that's some of our favorite penetration time. Of course, maybe people shouldn't listen to me since I've had recurring issues with penile friction burn from intercourse...
Fair enough...I'm definitely not a fan of friction burn...and I consider pre-seminal fluid at least some kind of lube.
Irnmyk
Queen bed
Queen bed
Posts: 249
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by Irnmyk »

"...penile friction burn..."

Thanks Scott, I needed that laugh this morning.
User avatar
Link+Zelda
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 2051
Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2020 6:16 pm
Location: North America

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by Link+Zelda »

Irnmyk wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 8:48 am "...penile friction burn..."

Thanks Scott, I needed that laugh this morning.
FYI, it's very real and a serious matter. I've considered posting on here about it in the past. Perhaps the worst time was when we started with some existing damage, went lubeless, and things took longer than expected. I ignored the pain in the moment, and the next morning found that I had burns on BOTH sides instead of just in the normal spot. I think I was out of commission for 3 days then, and we made sure to use extra artificial lube until I was fully healed even if the natural lube on a given night would normally be enough.

When it first started happening, I thought it was some sort of freak thing, but apparently it's pretty common.
-Link+Zelda
Brynna
Hammock
Hammock
Posts: 1236
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by Brynna »

We got married, with the only knowledge about sex, from 2 sex books. Neither of us had any experience or any knowledge of any sort, except for those books. So that's how we had sex, until coming to TMB. But, also with that, or lack of more knowledge, we were blessed in other ways. There were different things that I read about on here, that I was absolutely baffled at. Mostly things that wives were/weren't doing, that I didn't know were even an issue. Now, because of learning about it, I have to watch myself just a little more, that I don't go the same route. There were also things we missed out on, because of not knowing any more. But, all in all, we have nothing to complain about. I contribute at least some of that, to us not having our minds filled with all sorts, before ever getting married.
User avatar
PaulB
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 714
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2020 4:53 pm
Location: Eastern Washington
Contact:

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by PaulB »

hastentheday wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 6:45 am
PaulB wrote: Wed Apr 07, 2021 1:02 pm I suspect a lot of couples are doing or avoiding certain sex acts for reasons that have nothing to do with sex.
I am wondering if it might be more beneficial to TMB nation here if someone lays out "the reasons couples avoid certain sex acts that have nothing to do with sex." I suppose this could be another thread if need be.....
I was thinking more along the lines of doing, so I will start with that.

Spanking is a common form of sex play. I won't say it's always about something other than sex, but I think often it is. If you feel sex is naughty/dirty then a spanking may allow you to enjoy it because you've been punished. If a spanking as a child ever caused arousal (it does happen, especially if a teen is spanked) then you might be doing it for that reason.

Another example: I think some men are interested in oral sex because it makes them feel powerful to see their wife doing that. I'm not suggesting it's the only reason men like it (I mean it feels great) but it's a factor for some. And it might be why a man is so demanding and pushy about it, and why other sex acts don't take care of his need.

On the other side, a woman who has been oppressed by men might refuse to do oral because it makes her feel used or dominated. And if her husband doesn't have a trace of that in him, then it's not about him or sex.

I think we do well to ask ourselves "Why do I want to do this?" or "Why don't I want to do this?" And this is particularly important when the desire is particularly strong. Is part of our reason based on something that has nothing to do with sex?
Happily married for 36 years and living the good life near two of our grandsons!

Marriage and Sex Educator & Blogger
The Generous HusbandThe XY Code
User avatar
WirelessRouter
Queen bed
Queen bed
Posts: 115
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am
Location: Near the 45th parallel

Re: 'Lack of experience' = more variety?

Post by WirelessRouter »

newwifenewlife wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 8:18 am
Link+Zelda wrote: Thu Apr 08, 2021 6:57 am
newwifenewlife wrote: Wed Apr 07, 2021 3:10 pm As to the idea of a "right way to do a hand job", I think there no right way but there is ONE WAY to do it wrong: not using lube. :shock:
In the spirit of this thread, I hope none of the singles on TMB read that and assume they need to use lube. Don't want to go putting ideas in their head that might not be true for them.

We've never used lube for a HJ and probably never will. I've had pre-seminal fluid leak out and lube stuff up a bit, and I actually prefer it without that. To be fair, both Zelda and I really like the skin-on-skin tugging early during PIV before things get really lubed up down there, and that's some of our favorite penetration time. Of course, maybe people shouldn't listen to me since I've had recurring issues with penile friction burn from intercourse...
Fair enough...I'm definitely not a fan of friction burn...and I consider pre-seminal fluid at least some kind of lube.
I think this depends of whether a man is circumcised or not. The foreskin glides nicely over the glans making lube unnecessary for HJs/M, but that only works if you have a foreskin, so lots of guys don't have that option.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Post Reply

Return to “Attitudes about Sex”