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03/16/21 - Age to marry?

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SeekingChange
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03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by SeekingChange »

What do you feel is the best age to marry? Have you experienced any "rules" around this subject?

How old were you when you married? Any regrets marrying at that age?
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.


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PaulB
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Re: 03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by PaulB »

Statistically, those who marry later have a lower incidence of divorce.

However, as with all statistics, the average can hide individual details. Some of the best marriages I know are couples who married on the young side. In fact, I'd say most of the really good marriages I know are couples who were considered very young for their generation and location.

What I find critical is maturity, not age. All other things being the same the odds of someone 30 being mature are greater than the odds of someone 20 being mature, but there are significant variations for individuals. I know 16-year-olds who I felt were more mature than the average 25-year-old.

My son married at less than a month after his 23rd virthday. Even "worse" he'd known the young lady for all of four months when they said, "I do". Statistically, it was a train wreck. But all four parents and both of their pastors felt they were mature and were good for each other. Seven years and two wonderful grandsons later they are very happy.

BTW, if all or your parents think the marriage is a good idea, your odds are way, way better than if they don't.
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Krista
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Re: 03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by Krista »

I was 20 when I got married and a very naive virgin. My DH was 14 years older.
It has worked out ok but if I could do it again I would prefer to have at least some experience. Not knowing what you are doing on your wedding night is a little daunting.
But then again having someone with experience knowing what they are doing is also a benefit I guess.
We still have a good relationship so I guess I wasn’t too young but I was very inexperienced. I’m sure most guys would like this.
I was lucky my DH was very gentle at least I think he was. 😂
If it was my daughter I would recommend to wait.
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Re: 03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by dwilliams »

I would say there's no "best" age to marry. You marry when you feel you are 100% ready — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Good luck and enjoy your life!
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Re: 03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by FLLYDVTD1 »

I don’t think you’re ever both 100% ready physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s a covenant that two broken people make before God and vow to work through the brokenness together. If we waited till both people had it all together, no one would ever get married.


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Re: 03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by Irnmyk »

I think that we lose sight of the fact, when discussing matters like this, that when a lot of the "rules" about marriage that were canonized in the scriptures were issued, and later written down, marriage was an entirely different thing.

Two men would get together strike a deal - I have this son, and you have this daughter, and for a nice dowry, we can get them together. Often, when the veil was lifted, the young man got to see who he was marrying (think of what Jacob must have thought when Leah was under that veil - and look what happened).

That's when God said (and I paraphrase) "It's a good thing; make this work!!!!".

So, we see a lot of Biblical marriages that started out that way, and we know the rest of the story.

Fast forward to today, we have much more choice and input into the process, but based on the divorce rate, I'm not sure that we have made much progress.

I just thought that I would throw a little perspective on all this on a FWIW basis.
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Re: 03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by Duchess »

SLS wrote: Wed Mar 17, 2021 4:28 pm On the "ideal age" you find who God leads you to in His timing.
This is very well said, and what I was thinking as I read through the answers and though about what I would say. I was 21 and DH was 23. We had been engaged for a year and dating for five (including the engaged year.) We were high school sweethearts.

The only restrictions we had were that my parents would not approve of my marriage while I was in college, and that may have subconsciously had something to do with my not finishing. (I can confidently say it was NOT the whole reason.)

There are probably some spiritual ways that I would wish for my daughter to be prepared before marriage that we were not, (we thought we were) but we were a bit of a "golden couple" in that not just our families approved, but both of our whole churches approved and celebrated our union. As I recall, the only things our parents really stressed to us were that we have steady income, know where we would live and that our income would cover our expenses, and that we put off having babies right away so we had a chance to establish ourselves as a couple before we tried to be parents. Neither of us ever lived on our own or had other relationships (something I've seen others advise) and while there might have been things we could have learned from those experiences, I think we have been okay without them.
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Re: 03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by Violet »

SeekingChange wrote: Tue Mar 16, 2021 6:38 am What do you feel is the best age to marry? Have you experienced any "rules" around this subject?
I think maturity level is a better indicator of the best time to marry.
SeekingChange wrote: Tue Mar 16, 2021 6:38 amHow old were you when you married? Any regrets marrying at that age?
I was 23 when we married. I don't have any regrets marrying at that age.
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Re: 03/16/21 - Age to marry?

Post by Lorelei »

We married young - both 20. We joke that we finished raising each other, but it's true. It did have positives, we think. We both came from homes with happy, long-term marriages and moved from our parents' homes to our new apartment, had no emotional or sexual baggage, etc. We worked hard for years for both of us to finish schooling with minimal debt and those penniless student years of college and seminary created an "us against the world" feeling which was bonding and empowering. We'd do it again, although we know plenty of people for whom young marriages were not successful.
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