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I personally never had any hesitation about performing OS or with taking him to completion. Taste, texture etc. do not bother me. This is actually one of my favorite things to do and I receive a lot of pleasure from it as well, knowing that he is pleased. I would perform daily if he wanted. I enjoy the time I get to spend, doing what I want, and exploring both our boundaries. I do not require any pre-planning. I personally enjoy when it is very spontaneous and he catches me off guard. It’s a real turn on for me and have often tried to encourage him to initiate that more often. My DH has stated to me that he feels very honored that I do this for him.
I think that this act can be taken in stages if needed. She could build up to what she feels comfortable with. The suggestions @seekingchange gave were perfect.
I do think it is important for us to test our sexual boundaries for each other. I personally am more adventurous than DH and there are many things I would like to explore. There should be some exploration at least and communication about it and if after that it just isn’t working for one partner then that can be addressed. Even a happy medium is better than nothing at all. IMO
As for men making it better, I agree with all of what's been said. Had DH pestered me through the years about it, it would have been a turn off for me.
I like doing it and if we are doing to completion, he finishes in my mouth. I don't have a gag reflex, but I still don't enjoy swallowing. He doesn't know that though, and I won't tell him. We got this far, I would never make any of it into a negative thing.
My most fun thing about it is surprising him by quickly starting while he is still fully dressed and reading in the living room. It startles him, LOL, but I get a great reaction from him, when I do it! Also, I viewed it as a great challenge, as he was fairly certain he wouldn't like it. And I thrive on challenges!
- Mostly because I know he really, really, really enjoys it, and I like to make him happy.
- Sometimes, after I have started, there is maybe an element of me enjoying the effect I am having on him. Like me enjoying the fact that I am able to bring him such intense pleasure.
- Part of me enjoys the 'creative' aspect of the act. Meaning, there are a lot of different things you can do with your lips, mouth and tongue, and I find it enjoyable to vary what I'm doing and see the effect it has on his level of enjoyment.
- Part of me likes the fact that I can engage in OS and not have to think about whether I'm going to be able to climax, or whether I'm taking too long to climax, or whether he might be getting bored because I'm taking so long, etc.... it's just him receiving the pleasure, so in one sense the pressure is off me.
What could us men do to make it more desirable for you to give?
- Shower beforehand. It's nicer when everything is clean, although I still do it even if he hasn't just had a shower.
- Give encouraging feedback! Be vocal in expressing your pleasure because this is very encouraging to the wife, especially when this is not something she normally does. She might be wondering if she's doing it 'right', so hearing you enjoying it will help her to know that she is doing well, and will give her confidence in her ability... which will make it more likely that she will want to do it again sometime.
- Don't demand it, nor pressure her to do it (or any aspect of it, eg. swallowing). My husband never pressured or asked for it, but I can only imagine that feeling pressured could very easily turn a wife off to the idea.
- In terms of a husband trying to make a request for his wife to give OS, I don't have any advice on how to approach this. My husband never asked. It was me who decided it was something I wanted to try (after more than a decade of marriage).
- Enjoy OS, but don't make it the thing you always have to have.
- Reciprocate! (if she is willing to let you)
What advice would you give to a wife like mine?
If she's open to the idea, but some aspects are off-putting, my advice to her would be...
- If she feels ill-equipped to perform adequately, I would suggest reading relevant 'how-to' articles on Christian marriage websites (eg. Hot Holy Humorous). Honestly, the more I read, the more confident I felt in making an attempt at giving OS.
- Understand that it is possible to go from being very put off by the idea of giving OS.....to wanting to give it and actually enjoying giving it (yep, that's my story, and it didn't happen overnight either).
- Take it in baby steps. Really. Don't try to go from 'never done it before', straight to 'do it to completion in your mouth and swallow', all in one session. That's great if it happens that way, but that doesn't need to be the goal. Just baby steps, bit by bit, and she will get there. No need for her to make it a big deal and say, "Ok, I'm going to try to do some OS now......", just make the baby steps a natural part of your foreplay for PIV (or whatever else you normally do).
- If she is averse to the feel/taste of semen, I don't have any magic way to deal with this, but I will say I have gone from really disliking it, to now being quite ok with it (and now I always swallow). I just kept giving it a go, and eventually it was no longer off-putting.
- Be open to feedback from your husband, and/or ask him how you can make it even more enjoyable for him.
I agree with pretty much everything MQ said. (I don't recall seeing MQ here before; Welcome!!)
Why I like it:
(In addition to what has already been said) my DH raves about how skilled I am at it. He tells me I could be a "pro" as if I have some super special skill at it that makes it better than (theoretically!) any other woman. I don't, it's just because he loves me, but it sure makes me feel good that he tells me that. So it makes me want to show him again and again what an "expert" I am, and to bring him to new heights of appreciation for my "work".
Similarly, SC brought up the term "sex kitten" and that is a HUGE part of why I like it. It DOES make me feel very powerful and sexy and sensual to do that for him and have him become putty in my hands (so to speak) because I bring him so much pleasure. I love the idea of having the power to make this strong, stoic, self-controlled manly man lose control.
So while it is about how much I love giving him pleasure, it is also very much about my own pleasure. I do become aroused while giving him OS, especially if I make a point to rock my hips and otherwise move my body while engaging with him.
How can he make it better:
To clarify the repeated advice of all of us: when you wash, make sure you get all the creases and crevices where odors can linger; even if the main parts are squeaky clean, a musty groin will be off-putting. A pleasant-scented body wash (as opposed to plain soap) might also be a good idea.
I've HEARD, though not experienced, that if a man eats a lot of pineapple it can sweeten the taste of his ejaculate. I just don't focus on the taste if I can help it. I swallow when I can and spit discreetly when I can't. I didn't at first. It took time working up to it, and wanting to do it just because I wanted to please (and shock!) my DH. (I actually used to think when people would talk about how desirable it was for a woman "to swallow" that it meant taking him far enough into her throat to swallow around him, so I learned to do that before he ever finished in my mouth. But don't feel bad if your wife can't; I have virtually no gag reflex.)
I agree this one is very important: enjoy it, but don't make it the thing you always have to have. Because this is one area where we failed in our intentions before marriage and I had my mouth on him quite a few times, I felt early in our marriage that the fact that he always wanted OS was a punishment on me for what I had done pre-marriage. I felt like he didn't like "real" sex with me as much as he liked OS (in my mind at that point, a substitute) and so I resisted (or resented) giving him OS unless I knew we were having "real" sex unless it was a special occasion.
Also, enjoy it, but don't get over-excited and start thrusting hard or grab and pin her head, unless you know (as in, she told you) she is okay with that.
Advice for reluctant wives:
Try focusing on the sensation of gliding your tongue over that silky skin, notice every little change in texture--blood vessels, creases where it stretched, the ridge of the little "hat", etc and play with them, focusing on how it feels. Again, move your hips (create friction on your clit with your own body movements). Try licking other body parts on your way to the main event to tease him and ease you. (I love the way my DH's ankle feels on my tongue, in that soft spot between his ball joint and achilles tendon. I also love the middle joint of his fingers and his earlobe. All these spots also drive his arousal higher. Pay attention to his reactions, especially if he is not particularly verbal or eloquent in his appreciation, but notice his change in breathing, squeezing his eyes shut, his desire to move his hips, making fists, etc. Look up at him while you have your mouth on him and make eye contact; you will see in his eyes how absolutely gone he is for you at that moment. Vary your technique; do switch between mouth and hand to give your mouth a break. Go from sucking to kissing it to relieve the pressure of having your jaw all the way open. And when you are just done, say so. Just give him an impish grin, crawl up his body and say, "All done!" or "That's all you get!" Then proceed to kiss him senseless.
The more YOU enjoy it, the more HE will enjoy it; BUT ALSO, the more HE enjoys it, the more YOU will enjoy it.
ETA: If you are a wife who can manage giving it a try, that is. I understand there are some who just can't, and I am not intending to heap condemnation on those. I seek to encourage those who are willing but hesitant.
AND I'm not sure what "Pressuring DW" looks like as opposed to begging her or whimpering like a puppy to rub your tummy-kind of thing.
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One day after DH had been away (while we were courting), we met up and were making out while standing up. I just had an idea to go down on him and I did. I guess I surprised him but what he did surprised the heck out of me and made me panic he would paint the room so I ended up taking the rest of it. I thought it was weird tasing so I spit it out in the sink afterwards (I didn't realize that might have hurt his feelings).
in marriage we've had other issues and that has left scars so fellatio actually is a power struggle for me. I've learned to overcome it (and swallow), but it's a struggle every time. I try to offer more often so I'll get used to it, but maybe DH senses that struggle because he doesn't see it as a relaxing time. His stress level from work comes home with him and an offer of fellatio sometimes doesn't break the reverie. I try to be as loving (caressing as I give) as I can (even doing dance to lead up to it). I also think I don't have the proper techniques. Since that one explosive time, I've never been able to make DH O that way. My jaw usually gives out (I may be only doing one technique and may have to adjust to different techniques to relieve pressure on my jaw) in less than 5 min.
One time I was determined no matter how tired I was to keep going until he told me to stop. I didn't time it but he still didn't O from it so I was a bit irritated at that (I made it a competition in my head to get to that O for him). I held out until he said stop and was happy with that though.
He himself says he doesn't really like releasing in my mouth so that may be why it never happens and the surprise factor has worn off years ago. I just still want that goal, because I know it's possible.
Maybe if my DH asked me for it I wouldn't think of it as a power struggle. I just have it in my head that it's a very submissive activity. Before we were married I was more free. After our issues and the scars, it's more of a challenge.
I'd have to talk with her and go from there. Not sure I could offer much advice as I don't consider myself a fellatio queen.
My wife is unable to use a key board so she asked me to relay her answer;
She tells me she does it because she loves to do it and because she loves me.
1. It gives me great pleasure and this makes her feel most attractive and sexy.
2. She loves the physical sensations of it; taste, texture, warmth, hardness etc.
3. She loves the emotional aspect of it, the unique, incredible, intimate closeness. It would be difficult to get much closer than this.
4. She loves my reaction.
5. She loves taking the aggressive role and forcing me into taking the passive roll. This is important; I do nothing to guide her. I just relax and let her be herself sexy self. She loves expressing her sexuality in this manner in such a complete manner and there is nothing submissive in her action.
6. She frequently experiences orgasm while performing this act.
7. In her mind and in her heart, my seminal fluid is a sacred, precious substance which she calls her "precious essence." "It tastes a bit like peppermint." (I attribute this to a clean, balanced diet with no tobacco nor alcohol.)
So, obviously, she does it for herself as much as for me. It is US together rather than just her doing me.
You did ask.