We have sections you must join to use. You can see the full list here. Most you can join with a click. The medical and pastoral groups require approval.
Note, some groups were not accepting new members properly. That is fixed.
Post in this section can be seen by guests and search engines.
I will say, I appreciate that she was willing to give me reasons and share openly about it. Within our first several years of marriage, she would instantly shutdown conversations around sex and would not delve into details. Despite the "off the table" stuff, my dear bride has opened up the past 2 years and I truly appreciate and celebrate this growth.
More background, DW has never enjoyed giving OS, nor does she particularly enjoy receiving. I have been able to convince her to let me give her OS on occasion. She doesn't like to kiss after because she is repulsed by her own scent. Last time was 1 year ago. She enjoyed it in the moment and I was able to to bring her to climax for the first time from OS during that encounter last year. She enjoyed it more than she'd thought she would and more than in times past. But the next day she admitted that right or wrong, she just felt "like it's kinda dirty," and she said it makes her feel dirty (I believe she meant more in a "kinky" sense of the word).
I brought up the topic of BJs one time within the past couple years and the conversation was shut down pretty quickly as she reminded me it is indeed still off the table. To which I replied, "Do you think it will be off the table for the duration of our marriage/the rest our lives?" To which she replied, "I'm not sure. Maybe not."
I would love feedback. I'm always down for biblical and gospel centered encouragement. Also, anything that you took off the table or had taken off the table in the past or present?
- Posts: 4909
- Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2020 8:45 pm
- Location: All I know is I'm not home yet
"Passion Pursuit" by Linda Dillow and Dr. Juli Slattery, would be a good study for her. They really cover what God says and feels about sex, and deals with those kind of wrong messages. The Forgiven Wife has hosted this study online, in the spring and fall.
In our marriage, we did almost everything in the beginning. And then slowly things were taken off of the table, for various reasons, including sex all together for the most part, other than TTC. This lasted for years. Ten years into our marriage, sex was brought back in. Eight years after that, we were going to work on our marriage, a 90 day plan. I asked again for sex to be completely taken off of the table, because I knew that if it wasn't, I would doubt his motive and intentions. I ended that deal after 6 weeks. A little over a year later, EVERYTHING was back on the table (18.5 yrs married), we celebrated our 26th this year. Now in this time of everything being on the table, there are times we have had to say, "not now" to certain things, but it's not because of wrong thinking or false beliefs, it's because it was what was best for us.
I feel your pain. Oral both ways was an "occasional treat" - maybe 5-6X a year until about 6 yrs ago when DW stopped allowing it or participating in it. At least you got an explanation.... all I get is "I love you but don't want to do that any more..." for an explanation. She used to O when I'd sample her wares... and when I press the point it shuts all LM down.
I am thankful she's almost always willing, and sometime eager for PIV. But I'd like more than vanilla to be on the menu.
P.S. - my erections were much firmer when I went down on her... a testimony to the power of her pheromones on me. I love her taste and smell but she's always been a clean freak even back when she allowed it....
This got me thinking of other things. Probably not good to go here with your DW. But here are some of the thoughts that came to mind:
Feels dirty, huh?
Yes, I feel kind of dirty being in the shopping malls these days. Who knows how many people out there have COVID or something worse? So, should I tell DW that shopping is off the table? Besides, biblically speaking, I can't find evidence that God created us for shopping - in big malls or online!
Or, if earlier in the day I have changed my grandchild's stinky diaper, are my fingers off the table for eating? And for how long?
We put all kinds of things in our mouths - like vegetables that were in the dirt, no less. Or eggs, not to mention where they came out of.
Also, great points about the other things we consider dirty, yet do not take off the table. I am confident I could navigate that conversation with love. Thank you!