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How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

What about masturbation by those who are married? This section is for talking about self-stimulation either alone or with your spouse. (Masturbation for children and singles discussed elsewhere.)
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PaulB
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Re: How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

Post by PaulB »

First I will challenge the idea of "can't have sex". If one is willing they can almost always engage in some form of sex. At the very least you can hug and help out a bit while your spouse masturbates. So in my mind can't have sex means physically separated.

That said, as often as she wants. Sex is a use it or lose it thing, so masturbation when sex is not possible is good for a couple's sex life.
Happily married for 36 years and living the good life near two of our grandsons!

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Lorelei
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Re: How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

Post by Lorelei »

one_woman_man wrote: Mon May 10, 2021 10:43 am Just some thoughts to consider. I wish you well.
OWM
I sincerely appreciate your thoughtful answer, OWM. More to think about.
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Re: How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

Post by bandaddie »

I was taught, when I was very young, masturbation is the destruction of the possibility of life, created and owned by God alone. Thus it is a sin, almost equal to murder. This is an ancient Muslim law.
The maturity of both science and my Christian faith taught me otherwise.
Now, I am lead to understand; my sexual energy is the rightful property of my wife just as her sexuality is my property. For me to expend my energy alone is to rob her of her right.
If she is unavailable for my pleasure, as has been the case during her many hospitalizations during the past decade, then sexual pleasure is not for me. With her; complete pleasure. Without her; no pleasure. PERIOD
She says her view on the matter is the same as mine.
Someone brought up the issue of her being in her period. Does this make masturbation okay? For us, her period changes nothing. In fact, continuing with acts of affection and pleasure help her through those moments of cramps and self-doubt and uncontrollable emotional swings.
We are saddened by hearing of people who say "I love you forever; except for one week out of every four." That simply is not love.
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Re: How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

Post by MrEden »

I question the premise of this question. If Christopher Reed and his wife could have sex, it seems any couple could.
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Thomas
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Re: How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

Post by Thomas »

As long as masturbation does not replace or diminish mutual lovemaking, I think that denying your spouse the freedom of self-pleasure or requring to watch or be watched, is an ominous sign of a possessive and controlling marriage relationship. Just my opinion.
DesertDweller
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Re: How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

Post by DesertDweller »

Thomas wrote: Fri Jun 11, 2021 10:37 am As long as masturbation does not replace or diminish mutual lovemaking, I think that denying your spouse the freedom of self-pleasure or requring to watch or be watched, is an ominous sign of a possessive and controlling marriage relationship. Just my opinion.
THIS! :)
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Re: How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

Post by Dad24 »

There are many reasons that could be a factor regarding the inability to have sex. For example, physical distance due to one spouse traveling or perhaps a physical limitation or chronic illness that can hinder sexual intimacy. One must get creative in those situations and especially when one spouse has a higher sex drive. I have no issue masturbation as Thomas mentioned so long as it does not replace sexual intimacy in the marriage bed. That intimacy can still be achieved through masturbating together when there are physical limitations due to health or physical distance. Frequency is a relative term snd is subjective to individual needs and preferences.
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MrsNerd
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Re: How often would you be ok with your partner masturbating if you couldn't have sex.

Post by MrsNerd »

Perhaps this question exposes a double-standard on my part.
If DH is masturbating, I would not be pleased. Not because I am against masturbation, but because I desire more sex than he is willing or able to give.
Much of his problem is due to physical and psychological hurdles, so I have compassion and we’re working through things, but it also means there is guilt and performance anxiety on his end.
He is not necessarily in agreement with masturbation but has admitted that if I need a release, I should seek it. At this point he has no desire to be involved or know about it, but I hope we can overcome that. I don’t desire for it to be a replacement for intimacy, but something to relieve the physical aching and throbbing.
Lack of (private) time keeps me from masturbating more, but if has helped immensely to take the ‘edge’ off our infrequent LM.
ETA: Realized I didn’t fully grasp the question. If we couldn’t make love, I suppose I’d be OK with DH masturbating. Like others have said, the amount I suppose would depend on the situation.
*~אני לדודי ודודי לי~*
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