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Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

This is THE PLACE to discuss if something sexual is right or wrong.
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Duchess
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Re: Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

Post by Duchess »

I wasn't very specific, was I? :) To answer the big question first: while a fantasy of watching or being watched might be one to address (either how to accomplish it without sinning or just asking the Lord to help me remove it from my fantasies--I haven't taken a close look at that one/those two yet), that's not what THIS fantasy is about. In THIS fantasy, it is not about what the other couples are doing, more that there is a sense of cooperative "misbehavior"--"we shouldn't really have sex in public because that's taboo, but we're ALL going to do it, so none of us can judge each other."

Like teenagers at a party who are all making out.  I've said that before, and I can't really give a more perfect picture than that: like teenagers all making out at a party, because we are so wrapped up in our hormones and our special someone and we really can't stand NOT making out, only we don't have to worry about morally wrong choices, disappointing God, pregnancy, STD's, or anyone's parents being mad because HEY! We're all MARRIED! Yay for sex!

So to address the numbers, if I were looking for a nest to settle into at an adult make-out party, I'd want to be at least a couch-length away from the next couple. Or, far enough away that if we wanted to pass each other a (I can't think of anything I could possibly want to pass someone in that situation!) we would have to stretch to do so.
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JLoydH
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Re: Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

Post by JLoydH »

Wow.   I'm relatively new here as a poster but have been a lurker for several years because my DW and my MB is very "vanilla" by her choice and insistence.   I come here to try to better understand her point of view and how to hopefully address her fears/concerns constructively.  I also have asked her to come here too to gain the perspective of other Christian wives and to see that our Creator not only condones married lovers enjoyment of  more than just "missionary" and "cowgirl" but actually created us for enjoyment of another whole dimension (OS, toys - exclusively between husband and wife) that she currently prohibits.  As far as I know, she hasn't "been here"  but I still hope that my DW will at least visit and read the posts of Duchess, SeekingChange, TentsofPurple, and many of the other female posters here who exhibit a spiritual depth as well as a healthy, enlightened appreciation of the MB.

I certainly connect with Duchess's analogy to the thrill of our teenage years, parking, etc. and fondly remember the thrill and passion of those experiences with my DW.  We were both Christians but look back on those days with mixed emotions in that we engaged in premarital sex (fully committed to each other,  not casually) and, while forgiven, believe that our love for each other would be even stronger than it is now (and it is good now) had we waited.

That said, the idea of setting up the scenario  Duchess describes with intentional proximity to other Christian couples ML, even monogamous and under the cover of darkness, makes me uncomfortable spiritually in that any involvement of other people as a sexual turn-on seems out-of-bounds to me.   Please understand that I am not judging anyone here nor questioning the depth of their faith and devotion to Christ but I find no place in the Song of Solomon or elsewhere in scripture where our Creator would seem to endorse that as blessed or healthy motivation - but if I am missing something there, please point me in the right direction.   Its quite possible, even probable, that I still have a lot to learn about what the Bible says about the entire subject.
MrEden
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Re: Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

Post by MrEden »

Find a weekend marriage seminar held in a hotel or resort.  When you go back to your room after the presentation on how to spice up your sex life,  you KNOW all the other couples will be doing the same thing you are :lol:
Andrew
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Re: Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

Post by Andrew »

We've vacationed with friends where we're basically sharing a hotel room. We would "take turns" to let the other couple have their privacy while DW and I went for a walk. I don't think there's anything wrong with this.

As far as being in the same space at the same time? I wouldn't.
Irnmyk
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Re: Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

Post by Irnmyk »

MrEden wrote: Mon Sep 30, 2019 2:07 pm Find a weekend marriage seminar held in a hotel or resort.  When you go back to your room after the presentation on how to spice up your sex life,  you KNOW all the other couples will be doing the same thing you are :lol:
Came across this old thread. Haven't seen Duchess on the board for some time now, so she may not see this.

I think that MrEden has given the best solution to her question. DW and I have been to a handful of these things and one just knows when all the couples depart the meeting room for their individual quarters after some frank and open discussion about enhancing your marriage, what is about to happen in each and every room. The sessions are actually scheduled so that this can happen, and adequate time is given for success.

The smiles after the whole group reassembles for the next sessions or a meal say it all.
TheAccountant
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Re: Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

Post by TheAccountant »

I know this is an old post, but I can Guarantee that Marriage Conferences should have plenty of that energy 😅
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MiddleMan
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Re: Can my fantasy be acceptably enjoyed and where can we find the necessary opportunity?

Post by MiddleMan »

I read a letter from Martin Luther (the Reformer) where he told a friend to have sex with his wife at a certain day and time, and Luther would have sex with his wife at the same time. I wish I could find that now.
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