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Co-sleeping and Sex

Parenting and maintaining sexual intimacy, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and more.
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SeekingChange
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Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by SeekingChange »

Do or did any of you co-sleep? If so, how did you make it work with your sex life?

Any tips to help others make it work?

This is not a thread for those to oppose this, if one desires to debate parenting/sleeping practices they are welcome to start another thread.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Brynna »

We didn't co-sleep as in having the baby sleep in bed with us. The bassinet was right up against my side of the bed. Most of them slept in our room until almost a year. We just learned to be very quiet and had sex in the dark a lot. We had one new born share our bed a few nights as our furnace quit working the day we came home from hospital and as she was one of our preemies who couldn't quite keep up her body temp, there was no option but to keep her warm in bed with us. That was a bit stressful!
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SeekingChange
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by SeekingChange »

Brynna wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 8:33 pm We didn't co-sleep as in having the baby sleep in bed with us.
Sleeping in the same bed is what I had always associated as "co-sleeping", but when I just looked it up, bed sharing is a way to co-sleep, but it's really about sleeping in close proximity, like sharing a room.

We did the same as you, we were just quiet once our child was asleep.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Link+Zelda »

I would have said "no experience", but after reading the above, I guess I can say we co-slept with our first until he was 32 months. No other choice, as our first place had one bedroom, one main room, a tiny kitchen, and a small bathroom.

Sex in the room was fairly straightforward, as he/she was lights out most of the time. However, it was much more fun to have sex in our main room, and we did that far more than sex in our bedroom once our first was born. We did it quite a lot before then too! We both really miss being able to have sex anywhere desired in the house. Lots of options with the couches and recliners!
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Beccaloo »

When they were tiny, I'd put them in the swing or car seat until we were done. When they were older, I would move the sleeping body onto a blanket on the floor, then put them back to bed afterwards. With this last one, I will move his sleeping body in with a sibling & he will join back later in the night. I nursed my kids longer than most, so it was the easiest for me to get the most sleep by co-sleeping.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by SeekingChange »

Beccaloo wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 9:42 pm I nursed my kids longer than most, so it was the easiest for me to get the most sleep by co-sleeping.
I found this out in the first weeks of being a mother. I ended up back in the doctor's offce because I was sure something was wrong with me, I literally could not see straight and I couldn't even remember what I had named my son, I was that tired. I tell mothers all the time, the best thing I ever learned was to nurse while laying down.

As my children got older, we weren't co-sleeping but I had a couple of kids who often ended up in our room/bed. With the last one, who seemed to have a season of coming in nightly because of fear, we started keeping her sleeping bag in our room, and I know there was more than once we were stealthy as she slept on the floor.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by MrsNerd »

I kept nursing babes close. It certainly put a damper on things as I didn’t want to wake them.
Once after weeks of illness and stress, disconnect, my DH was desperate to ML, but my babe was inconsolable, for whatever reason(probably teething), unless latched on nursing. Finally in the middle of the night we had gave up trying to get baby in it’s own space and DH had a quickie from behind while I nursed baby on my side. It wasn’t ideal but was important for my relationship and I obviously wasn’t aroused. Later I mentioned it in passing on an online parents forum I was in at the time and got horrible, horrible accusations and comments from people, being accused of being a sicko, pervert, etc. Needless to say I left that community and wondered if anyone else valued their spouse’s needs as much as I did mine, and if there was something wrong with me that it didn’t bother me to have been nursing. I feel it was needed with my young baby, and feel not having pursued arousal for me was the key. It was hard enough to pursue arousal with them in the same room much less latched on.
That said, it would’ve been nice to have had another room to steal away into for LM.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Beccaloo »

MrsNerd wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:31 pmFinally in the middle of the night we gave up trying to get baby in it’s own space and DH had a quickie from behind while I nursed baby on my side.
Yep, done that too.
MrsNerd wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:31 pmIt was important for my relationship and I obviously wasn’t aroused.
Your DH needed that connection, that's important. I'm sure it's hard becoming a dad & being invisible in many ways. Even if you had become aroused, it wouldn't have been because of the baby, but because of your relationship with your husband. Your mind would have ignored the precious "leech".
MrsNerd wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:31 pm Later I mentioned it in passing on an online parents forum I was in at the time and got horrible, horrible accusations and comments from people, being accused of being a sicko, pervert, etc.
People don't understand what they haven't been through or done.
MrsNerd wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:31 pm wondered if anyone else valued their spouse’s needs as much as I did mine, and if there was something wrong with me that it didn’t bother me to have been nursing.
You had tried to get away. God provided another way. And your DH probably felt so much better to have his need for connection taken care. I'm sure you then were able to just focus on getting sleep, knowing everyone was taken care of.
If there's something wrong with you, then there's something wrong with me too. :o
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by MrsNerd »

Thanks @Beccaloo, I thought I was the only one! :)
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by benny »

You're not the only one, we too did the same thing.

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