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Co-sleeping and Sex

Parenting and maintaining sexual intimacy, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and more.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by SeekingChange »

Not even close to the only one. I have never been a part of parenting groups or groups on co-sleeping, to know what the majority do. Shoot, I don't even recall it being labeled and talked about much until after I was past the infant stages, maybe it was my area and circles? I do know, in the past, there's a larger anti- voice here, but maybe it's because they were the loudest first, and those who did it just kept quiet so not to be or feel attacked (hence my comment after my questions :) )

We have co-sleepers in our basement. Some of it is because of how my dil was raised and it's what she knows. Much of her beginning mothering skills came out of what she did as big sister playing mom. Also, when a larger family is living in the same tent, same camper, or same small house, the kids are bound to see mom and dad sleep naked and hear and feel things happening, even if not in the same bed. Another part for them is out of necessity.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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SLS
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by SLS »

My wife and I don't have kids yet but I really appreciate this thread. It's good to have a large amount of resources on various topics to draw on to help us manage things if and when God decides to bless us with children.

This is one area I haven't heard a lot about so again I appreciate people sharing their experiences on this thread.
MrsNerd wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:31 pmOnce after weeks of illness and stress, disconnect, my DH was desperate to ML, but my babe was inconsolable, for whatever reason(probably teething), unless latched on nursing. Finally in the middle of the night we had gave up trying to get baby in it’s own space and DH had a quickie from behind while I nursed baby on my side. It wasn’t ideal but was important for my relationship and I obviously wasn’t aroused. Later I mentioned it in passing on an online parents forum I was in at the time and got horrible, horrible accusations and comments from people, being accused of being a sicko, pervert, etc. Needless to say I left that community and wondered if anyone else valued their spouse’s needs as much as I did mine, and if there was something wrong with me that it didn’t bother me to have been nursing.
Some people are just jerks. There was nothing wrong with what you guys did. These people do realize that the baby was a lot closer when it was in the womb (and most people have sex during pregnancy) right?

Your story reminds me of a tale my parents used to tell us kids. They were at some sort of event and were engaged is some mild PDA. Another couple snobbishly told them to be more mature and that their (the other couple's) marriage was based on mature principles and not lovey dovey affection.

They got divorced after 3 years, my parents have been married for over 30.

Don't let the jerks get to you. Do what is right in the sight of God and what's best for your marriage. You go girl!

Note: Please forgive me if my writing is a bit incoherent or if I am talking too much. Got my wisdom teeth out yesterday so I'm still a bit loopy. Lol
Happily married to Serafina for 6.75 years. She is my Venus. ::luv2
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by newwifenewlife »

SLS wrote: Sat Feb 06, 2021 7:36 am Your story reminds me of a tale my parents used to tell us kids. They were at some sort of event and were engaged is some mild PDA. Another couple snobbishly told them to be more mature and that their (the other couple's) marriage was based on mature principles and not lovey dovey affection.

They got divorced after 3 years, my parents have been married for over 30.

Don't let the jerks get to you. Do what is right in the sight of God and what's best for your marriage....
That happens more often than people realize...which is why I suggest that the marriage bed is many times a reflection of the marriage. Not a complete pic, but one gauge to observe along with the emotional and spiritual.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Tantalum »

Our firstborn was quite a small baby and we were quite clueless so in the first few weeks he slept in our bed.
We made sure there was absolutely no chance of suffocation.
One massive advantage we found: whenever he woke up and wanted a feed, he would just latch on with minimum disturbance. The method worked well for us. (That little baby is now 23...)
With regard to sex: yes, sometimes we made love with him in the room. He was asleep.
On a few occasions DW also let me have a quickie from behind while she was breastfeeding. No big deal.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Duchess »

SeekingChange wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 8:48 pm Sleeping in the same bed is what I had always associated as "co-sleeping", but when I just looked it up, bed sharing is a way to co-sleep, but it's really about sleeping in close proximity, like sharing a room.

We did the same as you, we were just quiet once our child was asleep.
We are in this category. We had an heirloom bassinet that we used in our bedroom for the first several weeks (not to be confused with the heirloom cradle we had in the living room) and we were just really quiet.
MrsNerd wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 10:31 pm DH had a quickie from behind while I nursed baby on my side
I was not fortunate enough to be able to nurse, and I had never even considered this possibility, but I never batted an eye when I read this. I haven't done it, and I don't think it's weird.
I mentioned it in passing on an online parents forum I was in at the time and got horrible, horrible accusations and comments from people, being accused of being a sicko, pervert, etc.
I gave up Mommy-Blogs! Banging myself over the head with a ball bat while repeating a mantra of "I'm a horrible mom" ad nauseum was much easier.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by MrsNerd »

Duchess wrote: Sat Feb 06, 2021 7:01 pm
I gave up Mommy-Blogs! Banging myself over the head with a ball bat while repeating a mantra of "I'm a horrible mom" ad nauseum was much easier.
This is so true and important, as a young(er) mom with no support even (and especially) at church, I sought it out but learned quickly.
You find that there are controversial topics, like cosleeping, that you didn’t ever intend to receive heat for, you’re just trying to be the best parent you can. Sigh.
Besides people’s concerns about safety of cosleeping, there are those also who feel LM in the same room as a sleeping child is grotesque etc. This unkind labeling is sad and indeed shows a lack of respect & sympathy for struggling parents and/or other people’s choices in parenting.
*~אני לדודי ודודי לי~*
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Olorin »

We did not co-sleep; when our children were infants their crib was in the bedroom closest to ours. There was a bed in that room, and after nursing DW would often just sleep in there if she was too tired to get back into ours. When sex was back on, we would put baby in the crib and have sex in our bedroom.

As a side note, my daughter is studying nursing now and doing a rotation in pediatrics. It is amazing that everything we did when our children were infants is now discouraged; we are not supposed to put stuffed animals in their bed, not supposed to let them sleep in their car seats (when not in the car), not supposed to use the 'sleep wedge' that we were told to use to prevent SIDS, etc. Seems like the rules for how to properly put infants to bed keeps changing. Given DW and I broke nearly all of the 'new' recommendations, it is amazing our children made it to puberty.
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Duchess »

MrsNerd wrote: Sat Feb 06, 2021 8:54 pm Besides people’s concerns about safety of cosleeping, there are those also who feel LM in the same room as a sleeping child is grotesque etc. This unkind labeling is sad and indeed shows a lack of respect & sympathy for struggling parents and/or other people’s choices in parenting.
Not to mention a lack of basic knowledge of how things were done over thousands of years and many cultures...
Not that "the way it's always been done" is ever good enough reason to keep doing something, but it does tend to show its general "natural-ness", the farther back in history one goes. I often think of Biblical parents, not least of which, Adam and Eve. I'm pretty sure they didn't have baby monitors and breast pumps and diaper genies, but they had everything needed to raise their babies because God gave them everything they needed. I'm guessing they enjoyed a little multi-tasking too!
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by Oldbear »

Brynna wrote: Fri Feb 05, 2021 8:33 pm The bassinet was right up against my side of the bed.
Only for our first born, our oldest daughter. We lived in a small apartment and it just made practical sense. In those days, we slept in a double bed and because the room was small, the bassinet was at the bottom of the bed. I remember waking up to make certain that she was breathing! SIDS was a big thing in those days.

Having sex with the baby in the room? Never crossed our . . . at least my mind . . . a young husband never gave it a thought!! 😁😂
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Re: Co-sleeping and Sex

Post by SeekingChange »

Oldbear wrote: Sun Feb 07, 2021 6:56 am Having sex with the baby in the room? Never crossed our . . . at least my mind . . . a young husband never gave it a thought!! 😁😂
"Never gave it a thought", as in you would never dream of doing it? Or you didn't give it a second thought on there being an issue with it?
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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