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Birds and the bees

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Krista
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Birds and the bees

Post by Krista »

Did your parents tell you or teach you about the birds and the bees?

If so how much did they teach you.

Did they discuss sex or MB or just body parts.
I am going through a situation with my 12 year old son and I am trying to figure out what is ok to discuss and what is not.
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by newwifenewlife »

Yes, my parents told me stuff but that was a long time ago. Exposure is happening earlier. I had basic conversations with my kids as early as 5-7 and took questions as they asked and initiated some important principle conversations as they grew. My youngest could correct kids on the school bus because they didn’t know stuff. He would also “clear the table” quickly of his brothers when he started a conversation by saying, “Dad, I have a question….” :shock: and then I gulped hard because I knew something unique or big about sexuality was coming next.

My personal opinion is it’s NOT a one-and-done conversation. There are conversations about anatomy, design and function and there are ones about God’s purpose, design and as well as meanings to a man and to a woman. There are talks about sexual acts and urban vernacular. I’d rather they come to me than look it up on the internet. :shock: DW took this approach with her daughters as well. She would also ask questions about what they hear at school and what would they think if (fill in the blank). While on our first blending family vacation, we also gave my youngest (then 20), free reign to answer DW’s daughters’ questions of sexuality and school while we were lounging around a pool since they were reentering public school where my sons had graduated at 11 and 15 after years of homeschooling.

We will answer any question asked from our kids with one exception, depending on comfort level or nature of it, some specific questions about my DW’s and my personal sex life may not be answered. (Although it’s hard to deny certain things, when a smile or laughter occurs with a refusal to answer.j :lol:

Put yourself in their shoes and what do you wish you knew & understood when you were a kid…teen…got married. This is your opportunity to open a door for the sake of your child’s sexuality, education, relationships, and ultimately, marriage. It is your God-given privilege and responsibility, don’t leave it to the world to give your child a distorted and secular viewpoint of human, God-designed and wants to bless, sexuality.
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newwifenewlife
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by newwifenewlife »

A few other things:
- Be bold, don’t be afraid about “getting it wrong” (you can always go back) ‘cause kids’ friends will be confident about what they know and saw on tv, porn (all distorted views of sex & sexuality) or even in real life.
- the biggest thing to establish is an open dialogue with your children so they’ll feel comfortable (so get comfortable!!!) to ask and converse
- don’t react shocked at any question if you want them to feel comfortable coming to you. Ask questions about what they think and feel and then LISTEN!!! You can direct it to God’s design later. If a kid is freely talking, keep it going.
- live an (appropriately) affectionate and sexually confident life in front of your kids. They need to see it modeled (given and received). A boob grab is probably not appropriate for bio or step kids but a passionate kiss, shoulder rub, long affectionate embrace is, maybe even a love tap or squeeze on the backside in passing. This knowledge builds safety and confidence in the relationship.
- just like sex, it’s about relationships with your kids. Do they have an open door to talk about anything with you?
Last edited by newwifenewlife on Sun Sep 05, 2021 5:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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benny
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by benny »

I was told nothing and left to figure it out on my own. I learned more from our youth minister. He wasn't afraid to teach christian sexual behavior.

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Ron
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by Ron »

About age 12, my mom gave me a really good sex book that covered nearly everything you can think of.
Irnmyk
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by Irnmyk »

My Mom did a yeoman's job of trying. Hers were more about the 'doing' of it - what it was for, etc., than the 'how to do' it. No body parts were ever mentioned.

The whole discussion came to an abrupt halt when I asked her when the last time that she and dad had done it was.

Oh well.
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Olorin
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by Olorin »

I was probably in 5th grade when my mom asked me if I knew where babies came from. Apparently, my grade school was planning an assembly just for the girls to discuss protocols for when they had to leave the classroom to deal with their periods, and they sent a note home to the parents of all the boys asking them to make sure we had been told 'the facts of life'.

I told my mom that I did not know where babies came from, and later that day my dad told me the basics of how a baby is made. (It's his birthday today, God rest his soul...its been almost 9 months since he passed and I still miss him [and my mom]...) I remember being a bit 'grossed out' and totally filed it away for future reference. About 1 year later, I started going through puberty and began noticing girls and suddenly I became very interested in the topic of baby-making!

Meanwhile, a few days after the girls had their assembly, it had rained hard before recess, and I remember while walking to the playground one of the girls said 'I see you have your rubbers on' and all the girls began laughing loudly. At that time I did not see what was so funny about protective footwear...it took a few years for me to finally understand what they were laughing about....
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Twue_Wuv
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by Twue_Wuv »

My parents taught me nothing about sex. I learned it all from inappropriate sources and from school. I can't fault my mom too much. She was a single mom and probably never could figure out a good time and way to talk to me about it. And, she never delegated it to my dad, either.
Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
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ng95901
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by ng95901 »

Nope never got much from either parent. My mother never said anything about it other than to keep my parts in my pants (putting it nicely not as she said it) and my father never once said a word. Their style of parenting with me was the old 'monkey don't see, monkey won't do' approach which I vowed never to do to my children as it was totally lacking and was based largely on fear and control. In many ways, I am glad they didn't because had they learned about my partialism which materialized at an early age, they would have been totally lost.
Pearl
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Re: Birds and the bees

Post by Pearl »

Oddly enough I know my parents discussed it, but I cannot remember that initial conversation. They gave me a book aimed at grade schoolers and then another later for highschool. It was a good intro, but I was not one to seek them out for discussion. A lot of stuff I picked up slowly from my peers. And a lot was learned in the months leading up to my wedding if I'm honest. Not by personal experience, but like a student cramming before exam time-- I read whatever I could find that was"safe". As a young person growing up as the internet evolved, God really protected me. I felt like I came into my marriage knowing enough, but still innocent enough to enjoy the process of learning with my (also virgin) husband. We both came with very little sexual baggage and I'm realizing more and more what a blessing that is...
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