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Libido postpartum

How do pregnancy and the first year after birth impact a couples sexuality?
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SeekingChange
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Re: Libido postpartum

Post by SeekingChange »

I can say that had no libido during breastfeeding... those were my years of sexual refusal. We had no internet and I had no idea that there could actually be a physiological explanation for it, and I had no one to talk to about it.

As an "older woman" I can try to encourage you young moms in a way that I didn't practice but from regrets. It's important, I will even say it is critical that you love your husband well, a big part of this is sexially. Do what you can to make it where sexual connection doesn't get pushed aside. Others gave some suggestions, you could also try scheduling so that you can know when to get your mind, emotions and body geared towards it. If you have family you can trust, let them love on your baby for a few hours so you and your husband can have alone time.

While loving your husband well, don't neglect yourself. Be okay with not doing everything you may feel you should. Your house may not be as clean as you like, maybe your meals aren't as elaborate or homecooked as you wish. Maybe you need to day 'no' to other commitments. While your baby sleeps, make that some of your time, do things that fill you and rejuvenate you...whether it's sleeping, reading, watching a favorite show, listening to music, etc. It's okay not to do all the cleaning or to work. If you tend to yourself, you will have more energy to give to your husband.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
Brad87
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Re: Libido postpartum

Post by Brad87 »

I would just be honest with him but tell him you'd love to please him other ways, maybe orally or with your hand. He will be happy!
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Duchess
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Re: Libido postpartum

Post by Duchess »

I either have no knowledge of this and thus no help at all or I have a different perspective that will help a little:

I had always wanted to breast feed and was unable to. One advantage of bottle feeding was that DH could be as involved in feeding and bonding with our DD as I was. Maybe you can find a way (no, I don't know how) to include your DH more in the feedings and the "touching" that leads to you feeling "touched out" so that A) he is receiving some of that intimacy, B) he is focusing on the satisfaction he receives from seeing his wife caring for his offspring (which I'm given to understand can be similar in some ways to a sexual satisfaction, at least in the cave man part of the brain), and C) you in  turn are seeing him in that incredibly appealing role as Provider/Defender/Baby Cuddler that may help you think sexually again.

I know skin to skin contact is a big thing for babies and for relationships in general; for any feedings that occur during or near bedtime, why not sit back against his chest and let him cradle you both, bare chested, while you feed and rather than simply opening your gown (or pajama top), take it off so that your skin touches him. Unwrap the baby so his/her skin is also touching and let DH wrap his arms around you both, helping you support the baby, taking some of the weight, providing warmth, etc. Then, if the baby naturally drifts off to sleep after feedings, you could lay him/her down in a bassinet and simply continue the intimate skin to skin contact as an extension of something that already felt good and filling (rather than draining) instead of trying to muster interest as a separate event.

Again, since I didn't actually get to breastfeed, maybe I'm way off, but it sounds really nice to me.
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Re: Libido postpartum

Post by Tantalum »

DW's libido definitely dropped after our baby was born but I don't think this was due to breastfeeding, it was the emotional shock of having a baby. It was the most fundamental change to our lives and nothing could prepare you for it. And of course initially we were just so overwhelmed, marital intimacy was not on our mind.
DW was very understanding so she offered me some MS, which was great. After about a month we attempted - very cautiously and gently - PIV, just to see what it would feel like. As DW did not have a bad time giving birth, physically she was OK but I don't think she was ready emotionally and psychologically. So we put things on the backburner for a while. We maintained a kind-of "minimum level" of intimacy, I think mostly for the reason to keep the physical side of our marriage going, rather than out of real passion. But I'm glad to say after a few months DW gradually returned to her normal self and not only started enjoying sex but in some way became more adventurous. I think the fact that I saw her give birth meant that I had really seen everything. So for example she masturbated for me for the first time - before that she had felt too embarrassed.
There was no connection to breastfeeding; she continued doing that for a long time after we resumed sex and it did not bother me at all. But, reading some previous posts on this forum, breastfeeding can be a turn-on for some and a turn-off for others. For us it was neither really.
I'm sure things will return to normal, for most couples it does. The desire is in you, just latent right now. It will come back again, maybe even more intensively than before.
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