Any one else struggle with having literally no sex drive whatsoever during the season of breastfeeding? I love my husband and want to be fun for him, but after breastfeeding throughout the day and night, I feel all “touched-out”. Also, I don’t want my breasts touched or kissed during sex which is normally a big turn-on for both of us. Any suggestions to help raise libido and be ready for sex when my husband wants it? Or do I just need to just deal with it until I stop breastfeeding in several month?
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Unfortunately, it's also the same hormone that is released post-orgasm in men. It absolutely kills libido. I found that my husband was more understanding of my limited desire for sex when he understood that his post-sex libido (or lack thereof) is what I was feeling all the time.
Remember that God designed your body to care for your child. This is one of the ways it happens. It's not sexy, and it feels like it will never end. But it will, and you'll get your libido back. Let your body do what it was designed to do for now. Have sex with your husband when he wants and you have energy, use lube if you have to, and don't worry that things are different now. It won't always be this way. Celebrate the absolute miracle that is the female body through early motherhood.
The reality for us was that after our first daughter was born until at least 5 years after our second, my wife’s breasts were basically off limits to me. Obviously during breastfeeding, but even after that she continued to be extra sensitive and not enjoy attention there much at all. Thankfully that season is behind us now and they are all mine again! If nothing else, it gives you a chance to explore other sexual activities together or mix up your routine—when you are feeling up to it.
I'll just add that my DW (Zelda) didn't experience being "touched out" until after our FOURTH child. Then she experienced it in a bad way, and I took it very hard. In the long run, it was good for us because it catalyzed me confessing my porn addiction and then putting our marriage/intimacy first. I think she started being more open to sex about a month after stopping breastfeeding, but it's still a gradual comeback even after 8 months since stopping. Oh, and now her breasts/nipples have almost zero sensitivity ("no different than if you touched my leg"), which also was new and didn't happen with the first 3 kids...and also the opposite of what was discussed on this thread. She just recently (within the last month) said that she really wants her breasts to be erogenous/sexual again.
Given that you're familiar with the "touched out" term, I assume you've already read about this a least a bit, putting you ahead of the curve. I suggest highly open communication with your DH, explaining to him what's going on and that it's not abnormal. Also, if you're not up for the less-pleasurable-than-normal sex that DoveGrey describes, or you can't match the frequency that your DH desires, do not be afraid to satisfy his need for release in non-intercourse ways, even if that means you cheerlead while he masturbates to climax. Depending on your relationship and his psychology, he may be desperately needing you now, and I don't mean physically!
Oh, and enjoy the time with your new baby!
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Communication is key. Let him know that:
1. It's normal for your sex drive to be low at this point but it should be temporary. (i.e. everything Dove Grey said) Husbands desire to sexually satisfy their wives and can feel guilty when their wives don't enjoy sex. Knowing that this situation is normal but temporary will aliviate such guilt and fears that their wives will never enjoy sex again.
2. That even if you are not feeling desirous of sex right now you still want him and want to sexually satisfy him. Sex may take different forms (e.g. if you don't feel up to intercourse during an encounter be generous with oral or manual sex instead) but you are committed to maintaining that part of the relationship with him.
My wife also breastfed all four children and had sensitivity/touch issues. Clear communication from my wife helped with this. There were a few times my wife actually became more confident because she actually had larger breasts during this time. Normally she is very small up top. But the bulk of the time they were too sensitive/leaking/ or she was touched out. I was happy to do whatever she wanted with them because we communicated and it was only temporary.