Thank you for your detailed answer. In truth I'm a bit overwhelmed in how to help my boys in light of all you've written. Thankfully I'm not alone & God is always willing to help.
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I don't know if this is helping your sons directly, but learning how males generally are, and teaching your daughters and their wives, is a way to "help". I read several years back several books around men. Recently I gave my dil a book that has really opened her eyes and has helped her with understanding and working with my son, it is "Through a Man's Eyes" by Shaunti Feldhahn and Craig Gross.
Nowadays - Any “device” that has internet connection. Even if you monitor and out blocker software, it’s not perfect. A major gateway I see as a problem now is Manga cartoons and the like. I once followed the breadcrumb trail behind my son’s Yugio (sp?) game play and it led into a cartoon porn game a few steps down the line. He was 12, he’d been there and we had a long, loving talk afterwards.
But anything that titillates and shows some skin can trigger the urge to seek more. That’s just how many if not most teen boys, and now more and more girls, are wired. The porn pimps have easy targets and are good at what they do. I think the better method is not to try too hard, and certainly do not depend on keeping it away from them or the it. Be proactive instead by making them aware of the dangers and be free with the truth about sexuality earlier rather than later. I truly believe knowledge is power in this fight.
LBD wrote: ↑Tue Feb 09, 2021 12:23 pm I think the better method is not to try too hard, and certainly do not depend on keeping it away from them or the it. Be proactive instead by making them aware of the dangers and be free with the truth about sexuality earlier rather than later. I truly believe knowledge is power in this fight.
This has become my way of thinking as well.
I use the phrase "this is/may be embarrassing" to keep communication open with my kids.
I've also told them to use that if they need to talk in private & don't know how to say what they need to.
I never realized some of the things that were going through their heads having to deal with. Issues that are different from when I grew up.
I'm on the "its an addiction" side of the argument. But I really don't think that's important. We are having an epidemic of porn however you want to describe it - addiction, habit, destructive behavior, sin. I think it is all of those, but even assuming it was just habit, sin, and destructive behavior, it would be no less dangerous to our society and the church. And it is only going to get worse due to the ubiquitousness of weaponized porn being targeted at people of all ages.
I've been addicted to nicotine as well. I had no trouble giving that up - I achieved that no less than a dozen times. I say that jokingly, but the addictive side of nicotine use was relatively easy to break. But I had used nicotine as a coping mechanism and didn't replace that coping with something healthier - so I'd keep going back after a few months when the appeal of immediate comfort, relaxation, and 'treating myself just this once' when I was going through a rough time got to me.
Same thing applied to my porn use - which definitely didn't start as an addiction. I looked at porn as a teenager because I wanted to know what a naked girl looked like in explicit detail. I looked at porn as a young adult because it enhanced masturbation. There are a lot of different reasons people use porn- but I wasn't addicted to it until I started using it as a copying mechanism for problems completely unrelated to sexuality. The "cocktail" it delivers is very similar to narcotics. I would describe that addiction "stickiness" as being much less than that of cocaine, but the HABIT I formed was still very strong.
I get the suspicion of what you might call the "porn addiction recovery industrial complex" - there certainly is an abundance of people hocking their expert advice and products. In my opinion, though, there is a great need there and its only getting worse. And I think understanding the addictive "type" strength of porn is important not to make excuses, but to understand that if you've tried to give up this unwanted behavior unsuccessfully, it may be necessary to get help from those that have done it successfully (almost 100% of the Christian experts selling/marketing/offering services have been addicts/habitual users).
My hat's off to anyone who gave it up cold turkey - I wish I had the strength to do that. I'm glad there is help for those that can't. And I for one think this is an issue that the church largely ignores (possibly because the use is so common or possibly because so many of those in the pulpit share the problem). It is a secret problem and you simply aren't going to see "recovering from bad porn habit" as an explanation in the prayer concerns in the bulletin.