I'm new here and really struggling with something that I feel like I can't tell my DH. All my life I've struggled with lustful attachments to celebrities. As a young girl my mom would even encourage it, thinking it was normal behavior. I truly think it was fueling a part of me that longed for the security and love of my Savior, and my father was very distant so my young mind filled the gap the only way I saw how. I also didn't become a Christian until I was in college so it never occurred to me this habit was so bad for me and wrong until later when I learned what the Bible said about lust.
Now I'm married with children and still struggle with this sin. I've realized that it is something I do whenever I need comfort or feel lonely or frustrated. I imagine a certain celebrity comforting me, and yes I imagine a sexual relationship, and sometimes look at pictures of him online though never any nudity. The celebrity has changed over the years, I'll get over one then another will grab my attention. It feels like an addiction, similar to what I've read about pornography addictions. I tried to bring it up with my DH by telling him I used to have celebrity crushes as a child and he got so defensive and critical that I was afraid of telling him the whole truth. I'm really afraid it would hurt him and our marraige to tell him because he would feel like I cheat on him. And in a way I am because the Bible says that if you even look at a person with lust you have already committed adultery in your heart.
A few last notes: if I somehow met this celebrity in real life I would NOT want an actual sexual relationship with him. I love my DH and I have never been tempted to engage in an adulterous relationship other than this fake one in my mind, and in my imaginative story I am not married when I am with him. I'm not saying that's better, I'm just making sure you know the in's and out's of my problem.
My last note is that I never imagine this celebrity while I'm being intimate with my husband.
I know its wrong already, so I'm looking for feedback on how I can really get free of this. The guilt is something I've carried for a long time but I feel like it's almost impossible to control these thoughts. Just knowing someone out there might be praying for me will help too.