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Celebrity crush help?

What is lust? What isn't? How can I guard myself...
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Nuri
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by Nuri »

@DoveGrey Your feedback is really helpful.  I don't think I have a female friend who would understand my problem, which is another reason why I am here.  I'm glad that you have someone who can help!  Feeling alone has made this harder to deal with, for sure.  I really think turning to the word and prayer is the answer.  It would also be GREAT if some of these gorgeous, seemingly perfect celebrities were honest about their faults.  But at the same time I have an underlying intimacy issue that needs to be addressed or I'll keep having the problem, one way or another.  It's like a hole in my heart that I keep trying to fill with things other than God.  Thank you for saying you'll pray, I know it will make a difference.

@Slipthegrasp The common thread I see here is expecting temptation and having a plan by going to specific scriptures, and that is what I'm going to do.  I'll put the ones you mentioned on my list and start memorizing so that even if I can't access my Bible (like when driving, when my mind can start to wander) I'll be equipped.  I think I've been either giving in when these challenges arise, or coming to the battle line with only part of my armor on, and that has to change.  Ha, I really like battle analogies in case you all can't tell!

I'll check in on this thread after some time to let you all know how things are going.  Assuming these threads can be used that way?  I'm sure there are other people here reading who might be having the same or a similar problem and anything that helps me is something I want to share.  I also might slip up again, like I've done in the past and I also think it will be good for me to have some specific verses ready so that I don't downward spiral into condemnation.  Which has lead to me running again to my fantasies, thus beginning the cycle again.

You all have been really awesome, and thanks for taking the time to reply.
Nuri
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by Nuri »

@one_woman_man Thanks for the welcome!  Maybe I haven't spent enough time thinking about why my husband responded the way he did.  I'll definitely pray about that.  Maybe I should not just be planning on avoiding the topic.  One thing that comes to mind is that he definitely has a higher drive than I do and I know that he has taken that personally in the past.  I've never denied him but I don't initiate often.  Maybe he's not secure about my desire for him.  Or maybe my fantasy life effects my sex life by making me feel like my needs are getting filled elsewhere.  Just thinking out loud here.  I'll give it more thought.
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DoveGrey
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by DoveGrey »

@Nuri Feel free to use this board as an accountability booster. Like you, I knew I wasn't going to cheat on my husband, but my situation bothered me so much that I just needed a trustworthy Christian woman to talk with. It helps. We're here for you.
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neilEthere
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by neilEthere »

I am really surprised no one has said this.

There is no difference between a celebrity crush/infatuation and any other crush/infatuation.  And the way to deal with that is as SC and (was it) Dove suggested. Flee.

And you said you would think about this but ....... precisely how does your fantasy life fulfil any of your needs (last para, last post).
LuckyInLove
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by LuckyInLove »

Neil,

The chance of meeting the celebrity one has a crush on is miniscule, besides the fact that celebrities are rather fake personas. It's a fantasy. A real life crush is much more dangerous because it can be acted on.

It's actually a normal part of development in puberty to have a celebrity crush because it's a safe way to express your sexuality (not talking about groupies or obsession). No rejection and no physical or emotional interaction. It's a bit odd for an adult (not sure the OP's age, but she could be closer to her teens than 30's), but I suspect she's missing something in her life that this fulfills.
Nuri
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by Nuri »

I think it is common and therefore considered normal for teen girls to have celebrity crushes, I am definitely way past that.  I'm in my late 30's.  I agree that fleeing is the answer and am determined to approach it that way.   I'm also inclined to agree with Neil that crushes are the same whether they are with a celebrity or not, and I'm willing to bet that is why my husband took it personal the way he did.  I think that I've justified my fantasy life for years because I thought it's "safe" to see a celebrity that way, and while a lot of people might think that's normal, at least for teen girls, I believe the Bible indicates otherwise.  Sure, I'm way less likely in encounter a situation where my fantasies could be acted on.  But God is concerned with what goes on in our hearts and our minds as well.

When I mentioned that my fantasy life may be meeting my needs, I meant more that it provided me with the illusion that it does.  If I'm upset or lonely, my interactions in my imagination are often vivid enough to give me comfort.  Or if I'm in the mood and my husband is somehow unavailable, I'll retreat to my fantasies and get them "met" there.  I realize this is a poor substitute.  This is also a habit I had long before I was married so I don't feel like my husband is to blame.
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by Duchess »

You sound like you are certainly filled with the desire to obey God and be righteous before HIm, and that is a desire He will always honor. Remember David made many mistakes which included lust, envy, adultery, and murder, yet he was called "a man after God's own heart." One thing that helps me in fighting any temptation is to remember that Jesus has already won the battle. You don't actually have to fight, you just have to choose to follow the winner. Think of yourself not as "a woman who has this uncontrollable and embarrassing habit" but instead as a woman whom God has set free from every sin and who is NOT bound to give in again. When you struggle, remind yourself you have already won, then act like it. There's no room for whatever you were tempted to do after that!

Warm welcome and prayers as you hit your knees to get through this.
Nuri
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by Nuri »

This is so life giving!  I felt a weight lift after reading that, especially "Think of yourself not as “a woman who has this uncontrollable and embarrassing habit” but instead as a woman whom God has set free from every sin and who is NOT bound to give in again. When you struggle, remind yourself you have already won, then act like it."
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by Duchess »

I'm glad I could help. In return I'll admit that your earnestness in this area has prompted me to take a look at myself and see whether I am scrutinizing my own behavior and attitudes as closely as I ought.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Celebrity crush help?

Post by SeekingChange »

@HisGirl, I agree with you (your latest comment), and I see the same heart of the message you did in Neil’s comment.

For me, I wasn’t really “crushing” on others but fantasizing an alternate life…typically using characters (played by celebrities) in my imagination/fantasy.  Living in a fantasy seems “safer”.  For me at least, it was a way to imagine a life I thought to be desirable, but wasn’t possible.  It was a way for me to be someone different, but yet have no risk… because people don’t reject you in your fantasies, right?  It was really like a little girl playing “make believe”, but a more grown-up version.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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