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Husband lusted after my sister

What is lust? What isn't? How can I guard myself...
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David
King bed
King bed
Posts: 517
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by David »

Maybe the OP was genuinely shocked and shared with trusted Christian friends because she wanted advice and prayer? Let's note be too quick to judge!
Slipthegrasp
King bed
King bed
Posts: 526
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by Slipthegrasp »

You identify a good point.  When two principals come to the same point in time how are we to react?  To always obey one over the other would be Absolutism.  Is Absolutism the ethic we are to obey as illustrated in the Scripture?  Rehab had to principals came at her in one time period where she could not do both. To obey the king meant revealing God's spies.  She chose to obey the greater of the two principals.  She chose to reject Absolutism and to imply a Graded Absolutism ethic.  She lied and saw that the spies of God were set free.

In the case of a woman needing comfort and encouragement verses her need to protect her marriage and husband to foster growth and maturity she, well, she did choose.
Graypoet
Queen bed
Queen bed
Posts: 202
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am
Location: The Midwest

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by Graypoet »

I would not leave your husband over this. He has been open to you and sounds repentant. Forgive him and pray together. DoveGrey has offered some sound Biblical based advice which I agree totally.  - GP

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 2
Slipthegrasp
King bed
King bed
Posts: 526
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by Slipthegrasp »

Do not share personal information with those who are not able to wisely, that is biblical discern what is at hand.  The pooling of ignorance will do you no good.  Your sister's pretense in defending herself as the victim is of no value. You would be wiser to travel home from the gym the next time and tell you sister to sit in the car while go get her a drink or a pair of sweat pants.  Its your job to protect your husband, do it!
Slipthegrasp
King bed
King bed
Posts: 526
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by Slipthegrasp »

I would add that spiritual discernment on such a sensitive level should be sought from the Pastor and his staff.
hoosier52
King bed
King bed
Posts: 373
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by hoosier52 »

It should have ended  when  your husband confessed it to you. No need to drag others into it.  I have nothing good to say about those ladies at your church, so I'll end my comment here.
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newwifenewlife
Under the stars
Under the stars
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Location: Place colder than I want to be

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by newwifenewlife »

I told my wife this situation and about some of my feelings. Her response was, don't go back and find a new church for two reasons: that is clearly legalism at it's "finest" and POOR Scriptural exegesis and theology and 2) as a husband, how is he supposed to go back with that kind of story out there?  (How is he supposed to go to family events from here on?)

A man CANNOT help having an erection...and should never be "crucified" for it when it comes to seeing an attractive women or having an erotic thought. It happens....regularly. I can't control those things. What I can control, upon seeing a beautiful or immodestly dressed woman/girl enter my sights is whether or not I entertain any thoughts and whether or not I treat her as a smorgasbord buffet for my eyes &  mind OR praise God for His creation, remind myself she is someone's daughter/sister/wife and redirect any sexual thoughts to the blessed wife I have at home!!!

My guess (from a lifetime of church ministry) is that the church ladies response, they probably don't have much of a sex life and are gatekeepers so their natural thoughts is to cast harsh, foolish judgment (tell a woman to divorce over this? Calling it rape?) and extend no grace, like they probably do at home with their spouses.  I, and WE as forum, cannot speak about the "lust" he confessed. Was that what he was masterbating to? OR did it start there...and with the build up of sexual tension from lack of release (admitted by the poster), did the husband make the choice to take matter into his own hands? (pun intended). What will his response be to openness and communication in his marriage the next time something happens? Intimacy was crushed and I believe the husband was treated without honor or respect (yes, despite what he did was wrong)...but how is he supposed to show his face at family functions or church? I pray the two of you will have some deep conversations about the situation and hurt both of you have experienced and caused and come to peace about how to move forward.

Last (I think), the sister's attire didn't help the situation...but it's not her fault for his failure either (see above thoughts again). I have a choice to make when I see something that draws my mind towards sexual thoughts. With that said, I've got attractive step-daughters and I've had to have some difficult and AWKWARD discussions with their mom (dear wife) and each of them about what their wearing, covering (or not), how the attire fits their shape (UGH!!!) and how boys/men think...and even talk about that. They all want to look cute, attractive, hot, feel good about themselves, etc. and I have to sometimes lay things out VERY clearly. NOT FUN!!! They're dad isn't in the picture and wouldn't be much help I believe, even if he was around.  Self-esteem is a big issue with girls/women and it plays into this. What are you "selling"?  All guys will notice you BUT what will they notice? The outside OR the inside? Just because a guy notices you, are they worth your time? The great ones will be attracted to you no matter what you're wearing. I'll step off my soapbox now.

 
rediron
Single
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Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by rediron »

Hi;

I agree with many of the answers here.  End your marriage over this? Please do not be so foolish.  You love your husband, he loves you, your son needs you both.  Forgive Him and move on.  When Jesus said what he said about a man lusting after a woman in thought being adultery, Peter responded as any honest man "Who then can be saved?".  He is saying that (most all) men have a sin problem in this area. My advice would be to pray, forgive and jump back into your marriage bed with all the verve, energy, enthusiasm, and imagination that you can handle and I think you will find that the next time the subject of your sister comes up, hubby will say "Who?" God Bless.

Rediron
Sygoonda
Double
Double
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Husband lusted after my sister

Post by Sygoonda »

What happened should have been kept between your husband and you only. By telling everyone else, it did damage to your husband. from now on, all of the people that you told are going to feel awkward and judgemental around your husband.
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