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Shaming men who look. Who is to blame?

What is lust? What isn't? How can I guard myself...
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King bed
King bed
Posts: 433
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am

Re: Shaming men who look. Who is to blame?

Post by Irnmyk »

I was raised in a fairly conservative fundamentalist denomination that taught avoidance rather than dealing with any temptation.

"Don't look, you won't lust." Yeah, right!!!

But, worse than that, some taught "if you looked you lusted".

I don't buy that . Jesus was a male; he wasn't blind. He obviously saw women, especially when they washed his feet with their hair and tears.

If he was truly human, and I certainly believe that he was, then he was as tempted as I am when i look. What he did with that when he looked is what I have to look to for the example of what I have to do in a similar situation.

A joke that I heard years ago has helped me with that.

A Priest and his parishioner were walking together chatting in an urban situation when suddenly from a doorway popped out a woman who was a "Bo Derek 10". She had all the curves, the hair, the face that any woman in any beauty contest could ever have had.

As they walked in stunned silence, following along behind her, after a long silent pause, the Priest finally blurted out "When God made that one, He really outdid himself, didn't he"?

I think that brings the point home. God made them. God made them to be looked at. If he hadn't intended for men to be attracted to them, he wouldn't have made men to be visually stimulated, and he would have made women ugly as a mud fence.

He didn't, they aren't, so what do we do?

It's always struck me odd, when I have attended church services from time to time and encountered a woman dressed really provocatively - and I don't have to go into a lot of detail there, I think - what message is she trying to deliver to me with all that cleavage showing, or those skin tight clothes? And, that's church, not the mall or some other situation where it might be more expected.

So, ultimately it is on me to control my mind. Sometimes I win that battle, sometimes I don't.

But, as I've matured, I've pretty much gotten a better grip on it, and I often will offer up a little prayer and say something to the effect of "God, you really produced some fine architecture there. I hope her soul is as attractive to You as her features are to me. Good job." Or something of the like.

It helps bring it back into the context of her being a created being, made in His image, for me to notice and admire, but not to desire.

I am in situations consistently where I am with very fit women dressed for exercise activities. While I often admire God's handiwork, none of them tempt me away from the doll that I have at home. There is not a one of them that can bring to me what that wonderful woman that God gifted me with so many years ago brings to me, and wanting to go anywhere (in my mind - which can lead to more than that) with them could ruin a situation that is just too good to be messed with. What a fool I would be to mess that up. But, that doesn't mean that I can't notice how good they look.

And, as an added thought, I have also learned that a woman doesn't have to be a "Bo Derek 10" to be an attractive woman. Some of the most beautiful women that I can bring into my memory at this moment could stand to shed a few pounds any time they wished. But the extra weight, or whatever other physical feature that the world deems "beauty" doesn't distract from the beauty that they emanate.

So, the mind has to be controlled with them too.

The key to it all is what do I do with my mind when confronted with this. I am the only one in control of that. Often the HS helps me, but at other odd times, I suppress the HS and go astray as we men often do.

It's a battle.......
Deleted User 1388

Re: Shaming men who look. Who is to blame?

Post by Deleted User 1388 »

Wonderful perspective @Irnymk. Very balanced, honest and straightforward. After re reading your introduction, you have a lot to share and I hope you continue to share all of your expertise with TMB. I don't know you but you are my hero in so many ways already and I look up to you and your marriage!
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