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is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

What limits should we set before marriage?
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afoxandabunny
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is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by afoxandabunny »

Hi,

I am not single or divorced but i’m very likely divorcing and have been separated from my transgender spouse for over 7 months now… so basically like i’m single. i haven’t had sex in almost a year.,, and don’t think i ever will with my spouse again

 

what is your opinion of porn once in a while for single people. i was never into it before, but sometimes i kinda need something, and it’s not fun to masturbate to nothing , and it would be more hurtful to think about my spouse bc his body has changed so much… i have a few porn sites i go on every so often. i’m not addicted, maybe watch it a few times a month or so…

 

do you think this is necessarily a problem for a person who is divorcing and probably won’t find anyone else for a long time (not looking and will need a lot of time to heal from this)?  what’s a person in my situation to do?  i don’t want to sin or cause problems if i do remarry in the future. .. but not sure if i can go the next many years perhaps with nothing.

Thanks
workerbee
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by workerbee »

It's not right.
I firmly believe that it's sin.

You would be lusting what you are watching.
If it makes you feel turned on, it's sin.
Naked bodies engaged in sex that isn't you + your spouse = sin.

I'd just put on some Donna Summer Love to Love You Baby....lol, that's audio porn maybe, but I think it isn't technically sin.
Visual images are.

Sorry for your circumstances.

Take care of yourself the best you can, but no porn dear.

But I am pretty sure that you already knew that.
afoxandabunny
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by afoxandabunny »

yeah... maybe stories without an image or something... sometimes i need a distraction from everything :(
afoxandabunny
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by afoxandabunny »

i find it hard to orgasm without the images but i guess i can pray for what would be God honoring in this situation... so much that isn't black and white here... but who knows maybe porn contributed to my spouses issue i hear for some trans people porn can trigger things (i'm def not trans lol for my spouse)... so yeah probably not good to repeat the same sin as he did... he had a porn problem in our early marriage to the point he couldn't function sexually very well... then he came out as bi... then trans.
Wheat48
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by Wheat48 »

Yes, agree with the answer, porn is sin.  I also believe viewing it distorts our sexuality.  It changes the way we view people, and it feeds unrealistic expectations about sex.  It also shifts the focus of sex from love and connection to just physical and consuming.

I'm sorry you are in such a hard situation.  I do believe masturbation for singles is not a sin.  If you are having a hard time orgasming, maybe you can switch from just trying to get an orgasm to exploring your body and finding new levels of pleasure.  Tantric sex can be a subject overloading with sinful stuff, but there is also a movement within it for a woman to learn to love her body and explore it without porn, or a partner...and is supposed to be a path to even deeper pleasure.
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newwifenewlife
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by newwifenewlife »

I'm really sorry and saddened by your situation. It is not God's design for you or marriage. Unfortunately, sometimes our spouses make choices of sin beyond our own control.  I was also a victim of my previous wife's choices. She chose to live a double live while working on the road and when I made the discoveries and confronted her, she quickly filed for divorce and left nearly 17 years of marriage and 19 years of ministry together.

Porn is a 2D image the rewires the brain to respond to visual stimulation but not a real person and the longer one uses it, the more one is desensitized to it which means the fix has to be greater to get a greater high. It does what Wheat48 says and shifts the focus to make sex a physical act/urge and removed emotional love and connection with a spouse.

EDIT: *not

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Duchess
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by Duchess »

I think nwnl left out a "not" in his second sentence.

Not being the grammar police, but that one changes the meaning. :)
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newwifenewlife
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by newwifenewlife »

Thx

 
one_woman_man
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by one_woman_man »

Hi Bunny. Thanks for asking us for advice. I recognize that your situation is unique and very challenging. By sharing with us, you are helping us understand and learn things that we typically don't deal with. Thank you for your openness.

You are right. Your former husband's exposure to porn probably contributed to a series of bad things.  So, for that reason and other reasons which previous posts have mentioned, I would advise strongly against viewing it.

I want to urge you to remain sexually pure in your mind, heart, and body.  That would mean not having sex with anyone. It would be a bit like starting over again as a virgin. Then, someday,  if God would lead you to a wonderful man of God who would become your DH, you would again be sexually active after you marry.

As others have mentioned, I feel it is fine for you to take care of yourself as long as you can do it without lusting, it doesn't become addictive, or lead you to sin in other ways.

May God give you grace, strength, and wisdom. May you also learn to experience godly sexually in your situation - even as the rest of us seek to do so in our realities. Again, there will  be things for us to learn from your example, as you move forward.
olafthewise
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Re: is porn ok in moderation for single/divorced people

Post by olafthewise »

Porn is idolatry. We all have idolatry in our lives but it is controlled and just different. Stimulation for the brain is what you're after. Porn will entrap you.

Need woman to answer.
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