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- Under the stars
- Posts: 2557
- Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am
- Location: Place colder than I want to be
Have a great day!
“Baby steps, Bob, baby steps!”
PS - BTW, what’s for Easter dinner? I don’t have big traditions for that day ‘cause I’m exhausted BUT DW hides eggs and plans minute-to-win-it games with prizes and dessert in the afternoon. She makes it a lot of fun for our adult kids and their significant others. Throw in money, candy in eggs and add $5 Little Caesar’s or coffee gift cards for game prizes and what teen/young adult won’t come over to compete? It gets crazy around here! Maybe you could do something like that and create a fun tradition for your family now?
I've been praying, but this one has taken me a while to get to the point of responding to. I think you might know the reason why based on our exchanges in the ACoA thread. It has dredged up some 'better kept suppressed' bad memories.
Your follow up post, however, I think was crucial and really enlightening.
Our mother, too, was manipulative and controlling. Some of that was a result of her having to be a strong woman to keep a family of more children than you can count on the fingers of one hand (but less than two, thankfully) together and fed before and after the exit of an alcoholic husband. Some of it was just because she had a dominant personality - which, BTW, I inherited 110% of.
So, being that it is a fact that two dominant personality people have a difficult time getting along, soon after high school, I hit the road; military after high school, then university after that - which I put myself through, and in a city well away from my home town. She couldn't help, and I wasn't going to ask had she been able to (wouldn't have wanted her to have that much control in my life.)
I had siblings, however, that never got out from under the "gaze of her stare", and even as forty and fifty year olds, I saw them knuckle under to her. Your DH's reactions remind me of some of my own brothers.
Therefore, my prayer has been, in addition for strength for you, a prayer for him, that he can develop the fortitude - hard for him to do I know - to stand up to her (and his other siblings who evidently can't stand up to her either).
That he is making the effort was welcome news to me, and hugely encouraging.
You stated above " I'm going to just keep praying and look for ways to support him as he learns to navigate this new phase of his relationship with them." I hope that you can, even if that means that you have to suffer the indignity of allowing him to make you the "heavy" on some occasions. If she is what I sense that she is, it is going to be difficult for him.
I will continue to pray, and I'll hope that you will keep bringing us good news toward that end.