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Can a spouse have a time where they are not available for sex, without it being sin, other than "a time for prayer, and only by mutual agreement"?

How does God fit into our sex lives?
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Sweetsarah
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Re: Can a spouse have a time where they are not available for sex, without it being sin, other than "a time for prayer, and only by mutual agreement"?

Post by Sweetsarah »

As someone that has worked with battered women, raising the question of “mutual consent” being the only biblically acceptable form of declining sex is disturbing. Spouses should seek mutual understanding and OP certainly goes above and beyond with that. But I’m certainly raising my daughters to stand up for themselves in every situation. Inclusive of their bodies within the context of marriage. I’m normally not so strident in my view points on here sorry if it is a harsh response but think we owe it to our young ladies out there not to use the Bible to shame them (I know I’m assuming it is mostly a one way street here but the statistics support that assumption.)
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Re: Can a spouse have a time where they are not available for sex, without it being sin, other than "a time for prayer, and only by mutual agreement"?

Post by SeekingChange »

I have edited my post, so that the focus can be on the actual questions (which was my heart's intent from the beginning) rather than on my own personal situation.  I think answering these questions will be good for those who visit these boards, who have these kind of questions of their own.

God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Can a spouse have a time where they are not available for sex, without it being sin, other than "a time for prayer, and only by mutual agreement"?

Post by PaulB »

I think your examples of no go times is very understandable, provided the context is right.

If Sunday is a no sex day, are Saturday and Monday for sure if he wants it? Another issue is how he feels - is Sunday a relaxed day when he desires sex more? Is no sex Sunday cheating him of something that would be special for him?

The 48 hours could be a problem if it has been a couple of days when your period starts.

I'd suggest offering him your hand when you aren't up for more than that might make it workable.
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SeekingChange
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Re: Can a spouse have a time where they are not available for sex, without it being sin, other than "a time for prayer, and only by mutual agreement"?

Post by SeekingChange »

@PaulB, I appreciate your thoughts.  The questions and suggestions are great for any wife/spouse to consider if they find themselves in a similar situation.

As implied in the OP, my husband has to go no longer than 48 hours without me or any kind of aid from me...but he has my expressed permission to do what he needs to take care of himself in those times.  IF it goes longer than that, it is because of his own choices.  For example, he chose to stay out working, whether for work or on a hobby, and by the time he comes to bed, he finds me asleep.  If he makes that choice, and then I start my period, then he may face the situation you shared.   But whose burden is that to bear?   Where is the line of healthy boundaries?   I have laid out ALL my boundaries, the three different times shared....other than that, I am available.  I expect sex every night, other than on Sundays and the first couple of nights of my period.
God can change what people do, behavioral patterns that have been in play for decades. He can change what we do to cope, to find comfort, to survive conflict, to count. Rahab had done a same old thing for years... and then she did something new.
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Re: Can a spouse have a time where they are not available for sex, without it being sin, other than

Post by Tractor »

My hunch is that in this instance if you are a couple that is pretty much together 7 nights a week, and you have both agreed to the plan that you laid out, I would think that is very reasonable.

If your spouse is strongly opposed to one of your no go's, then I would think it would be very wise to have deeper conversations and also to really be sensitive to what the Holy Spirit is leading you to do.

On the other hand say your husband is an over the road trucker who leaves late Sunday night or very early Monday morning and he hopefully gets home by Saturday noon but logistics, traffic and weather can often delay him getting home until Sat night after you are asleep. Then it would seem that making a hard fast rule of no sex on Sundays could be depriving him especially if you stick to the other two rules.
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