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- Under the stars
- Posts: 2253
- Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2021 9:00 am
- Location: Place colder than I want to be
I am not sure how to describe mature, but there have been some great things listed. I am thinking of 2 19 yr old guys. One is mature and contemplating marriage. The other is exactly the same age, and not even close ro being mature. I would say they are at the same place in their Christian walk, both have great jobs and stick-to-it-iveness, both are excellent money managers, etc. What's the difference? I am not sure. The mature one is just that. Grown up, asks questions about marriage, life, would die for his girlfriend, shares his feelings, listens to advice, and so on.
The other one isn't at that point yet. Hobbies are too important yet to even think much of girls, doesn't ask questions because he still feels he knows it all, etc. But time will help that. I think they are at opposite ends of the maturity stick!
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It is a good list, no doubt! Honestly, @WR, it shows wisdom and a maturity on your part.Brynna wrote: ↑Thu Mar 18, 2021 8:10 am WR wrote a good list. However, I haven't attained nearly everything on that list myself, so I guess I am not mature, lol. It's a great list to read, but if I had to wait until I had reached all those things to check off, DH and I would still be waiting. And I wouldn't show that list to my children contemplating marriage because it would seem hopeless to attain.
But to fit with @Brynna's thoughts, it did bring to my mind, the idea that the perfect parents are those with no kids. Being in the situation has a way of bringing up our weaknesses, shortcomings, faults, and sins. I kind of think those who would think it's attainable are those in those beginning stages of love and are all starry eyed....that period where they don't listen to advice or cautions because "That's not us, or it won't be us, we are different!" (We've dealt with plenty of couples through that stage.)... it's not until you get into the reality you see how utterly broken and immature you are. It's kind of like the closer you get to Jesus the more you see how far you have yet to go to truly be like Him.
Well said SC - maturity is that blend of self-awareness and other-awareness that enables us to adapt to the new realities of college, career, marriage, children, aging, etc that we will encounter.SeekingChange wrote: ↑Thu Mar 18, 2021 8:20 am But to fit with @Brynna's thoughts, it did bring to my mind, the idea that the perfect parents are those with no kids. Being in the situation has a way of bringing up our weaknesses, shortcomings, faults, and sins. I kind of think those who would think it's attainable are those in those beginning stages of love and are all starry eyed....that period where they don't listen to advice or cautions because "That's not us, or it won't be us, we are different!" (We've dealt with plenty of couples through that stsge.)... it's not until you get into the reality you see how utterly broken and immature you are. It's kind of like the closer you get to Jesus the more you see how far you have yet to go to truly be like Him.
I think that maturity is more of a journey than a destination.
How many of us who have raised teenagers have asked ourselves "is this child mature enough to go out on a date by themselves? Take the car out by themselves?"
Well, we certainly know that the maturity level necessary to pass that test isn't as high as the next one where you ask yourself "is this child mature enough to make this decision to get married (go to a particular university, whatever).
Next question would be "are they mature enough to be parents? Take care of their parents? etc."
And on, and on.
So, I think the threshold to pass any of the above tests is always different, ever increasing and always demanding a higher level of demonstration of maturity on the part of the person being scrutinized.
That, to me, makes maturity hard to put in a single box and define.
I think about the scripture where Paul talks about God's desire for His church to "attain to... mature manhood, to the measure of the fullness of Christ". At another point, the scripture talks about "the mature" as "those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil".
Medical ethics often wrestles with a similar question when considering consent for medical treatment. This has led to the concept of "Gillick competence" - basically whether a child has sufficient understanding to consent to medical treatment on their own, or whether it is the parents who must give consent.
Ultimately it's a subjective judgement, and is one of the reasons why many ministers want couples to go through a process of preparation before marriage. It's also something that can't always be measured in advance - some times you don't know whether you're mature enough to handle a situation until you are actually in that situation.
It was interesting reading the book "secrets of Eve" recently, one of the comments suggested that sometimes we wait too long to ensure that people are "mature enough" to marry, when if people got married a bit younger they'd soon find that marriage matured them.